The Medenet Times

Very very good job you all, that rocks

[arlick]

Originally Posted by aardvak2669

wow you guys are incredible I'll buy next 52 issues!!!

they have lot of free time D

Regards!

[-Edge-]

My question is left unanswered XD

[ArcticWolf]

Originally Posted by Rated_R_Edge

http://regnumonline.com.ar/forum/att...8&d=1194050485

Look close and you can see the catch phrase XD. So Do I get a payment in this

Well, the newspaper says "Our reporter, watching Valorius Rageway once again running away from the Samal Fort area" or something like that... Now you're famous, that's enough payment

[Signatus]

The Medenet Times nº1

EDITORIAL

After the success of the edition nº0 we are back to provide the best undisclosed news that Igneans can find! Unavoidable tasks at Samal and Menirah (not mentioning my outer-worlds existence) are taking some time from the author, preventing him of reading all the interesting conversations that are being done over the forums, so feel free to PM me with any section of them that deserves to be read, or inform me in coming events that you think that can provide good news: become yourself an undisclosed source! I'll try to keep this on a weekly basis but I don't make promises! Have fun and I hope you enjoy the reading.

WE REVEAL THE SECRET POWER HOLD BY PIZDZIUS, THE DREADFUL (NOT) HERETIC HUNTER

We did it! Our secret sources have an hint into what might be the mightiest power held by any warrior in the face of The Land (and what will justify his pitiful existence). According to our unknown sources it might be a power called Battle Meditation (any resemblance with an outer world game called SWKOTOR 1 is pure coincidence... please don't sue me!)! Our undisclosed described that, upon activation the environmental sounds shut off and the battlefield is filled with the music "I Will Survive" (any resemblance with the gay anthem song from Gloria Gaynor IS NOT coincidence), "YMCA" (any resemblance with another gay anthem from Village People isn't a coincidence either), or even "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" (Lord save us from Judy Garland) that grants an immediate +1000% dmg bonus to fairy elves and chicks (99,9% of the Syrtean population). In order to counter that weapon of mass destruction Ignean citizens and warriors have been instructed to sing and play "Creeping Death" (from you know who... yes Ignis shall deliver a "creeping death" to our enemies), "Roots Bloody Roots" (because we had to fight our way in the dune sea... obrigado Sepultura), and "Gears of War" because who crosses Ignis face an unavoidable "ethnic cleansing with no defending" Hoo-rah!!!

NEW GAME AT BETONIGNIS.COM

A new game has been launched by the famous Ignean bets house. The objective of this new game is to bet in the most imaginative name that Ignean soldiers proudly hold, as decided by a panel of juries presided by the infamous heretic Valorius Rageway, whose abilities in criticizing names is widely documented. The odds range from 1-1 in any name starting by "Val..." or ending in "...way", and any variation of the name "Drah" (either "Arah", "Brah", "Crah", "Erah"... etc.); on the other hand, paying 9.999.999.999 per piece invested is the name "Legolas I". However our bets house is having difficulties in contacting the head jury, either he's fleeing from our mighty warriors or is getting pawned in a desperate attempt to prove his people that knows how to die too!

SURPRISING RESULTS IN SEX HAPPINESS SURVEY

Our undisclosed sources have done an exemplar work of journalist investigation by following a rumor that stated: "Syrtis women are more happy in their sex life than other women, according to a recent survey (Happy women in Syrtis 18%, in Ignis 17,5%, in Alsius 4%)". After carefully unconfirmed investigation our journalists found that IT WAS TRUE! HOWEVER, they pointed out, according to the original survey the definition of "women" in Syrtis is rather interesting:

"It seems that the mentors of this study employed some freedom on the definition of "women", according to the original papers "women" in Syrtis is «anyone that despite not having XX chromosomes has found through years of continuous abuses from their uncle, or the priest of the local church, that is enclosed in a body that does not feel the smooth breeze of the afternoon, or the tender perfumes of the flowers, has it should; having instead a wide range of parietal muscles, thick hair and a "long stick" that as sexy as it is would be better enjoyed in a female body»"

"That means that if we only count "women" of the XX chromosome kind we get Ignis - 17,5%; Alsius - 4%; Syrtis - 2% (corresponding to occasional late sneaks through the swamps from hot syrtean chics to the arms of our uncompromised male warriors, according to undisclosed sources)"

Anyway our journalists, concerned with low women happiness across our realm interviewed one of many cute hot Ignean girls (all Ignean girls are cute and hot, that's a fact):

"Well, it's impossible to have some quality time with my boyfriend, we spend all our time pawning fairy elves and goats... I guess we are obsessed with our careers! Sometimes we give a "quick one" behind a fort but it's nothing like in the old days where he used to prepare a nice romantic dinner in an orc tent, or when we used to see the sunset by the beach holding hands... but there isn't time! They keep coming and we have a realm to defend!"

ADVERTISEMENT

Ignean boys, it's time to dedicate some time to our girls! Take your ladies to dinner at the Medenet's finest restaurant: The Ignean Scorch; we are specialists in goat roasted beef!

MENIRAH FORT AND THE CASTLE ARE ABOUT TO TURN INTO DUST!

Our unconfirmed sources near the Ignean Minister of Defense heard about a surprising new tactic that will be used to overcome, once again, our enemies. Accordingly to our unconfirmed sources near the minister he stated:

"Yes, we will demolish our Menirah fort and our castle!"

"But why sir?"

"Economics my friend, pure economics!"

"Uh... could you explain it better to our readers?"

"Well, I'm not used to explain anything because I'm a successful politician but because I like your journal I'll shed some light on the issue. The problem is that our advisers near the Dark Brotherhood Clan and La Orden Ignita Clan stated that they are spending more time traveling between Samal and Menirah then actually killing someone... and our Castle, well, let just say that many people don't even know what's its name!"

"And what's its name sir?"

"As I said, many people don't even know it! Don't make me repeat myself!"

"Uh... ok. And where's the economy on this tactic?"

"Oh, that one is easy. By having just one fort we cut costs relating to the maintenance of the others and "los clans mas grosos del RO", the Dark Brotherhood and La Orden Ignita, will convert their time into RP more quickly! Ain't I a genious or what?!"

--> AND NOW SOME NEWS FROM THE OUTER-WORLDS

EXCLUSIVE INSIGHT ON MID-TERM-LONG-TERM-SHORT PLANS ON REGNUM DEVELOPMENT

We did it guys! An unconfirmed source has breached inside an ultra secret NGD meeting at "The Kilkenny", and disguised as a waiter delivering the 44th Guinness round he was able to gather some info on the mid-term-long-term-short plan of development:

--> All classes can go up to lvl 60 gaining new skills in the process:
-> Knights get a new power called "Suck this m@d@f*ck@!" granting 100% of protection against warlock spells for the time that Night Twix thinks it's proper!
-> Barbs get a new power called "You won't run again Valorius!" granting a 1000% weapon dmg dealing blow that denies all evade chances.
-> Hunters named "Valorius Rageway" get a new power called "Yes I will!" that's basically a low profile + 500% movement speed for 30 minutes; hunters named "Legolas I" get a new power called "Change for a more imaginative name: Legolas I - El caza mas groso del Regnum"! All hunters get "Super Sayajin Pet" which basically makes the pet destroy all enemies inside Samal... and Samal itself with another available power on the pets tree called "Kahmehamehaaa".
-> Marks get "Recycled Arrows", they are using too much wood to make arrows, contributing negatively the meltage of North Pole! With this power they recycle 80% of every arrow used preventing that Alsius be drown in melted ice... wait, this power sucks, let us chop all the trees, let the goats drown!!
-> Conjus get "RP Keeper", that basically works like soulkeeper but for RP, sucking all RP gained in the last 2 days from their enemies.
-> Warlocks gain a new power called "Who's ya Daddy?!" Killing everything in a 500 meters radius... including allies!

--> Let the invasions begin:
-> The realm invasions will be introduced and it will be possible to "rape women" and "kill the children" as a premium bonus to ximerin owners. This feature is only available for Ignis characters because it's not expected that the other realms can ever overcome our might; but if Alsius are able to take Syrtis before we do they have a similar option but adapted to their kind, they get "Say mehehehe!" as a premium option.

--> Mini-Games introduced:
-> Mini-games will be introduced in order to provide additional entertainment to Ignis top-players who get bored of pawning our enemies:
--> "Save the trees!": in this game the player has to save the trees from a treehumper, click the tree that's being humped to shake him off and be quick! Or he'll hump another one!
--> "Ignean Snake": as in the classic "Snake" you control a reptile who grows over time but on this release you have to heat Syrtis hunters and avoid Alsius barbarians in order to achieve top-score.
--> "Regnum Quiz": An entertaining game for all family, more then 5000 questions divided into 6 sub-categories: "Samal Wars"; "0 RP givers"; "Syrtian hunters who broke the 100m minimum"; "The ugliest from Alsius"; "Known Alsius savecampers"; "Known Syrtis gatecampers".

Keep reading our paper, because we'll keep trying to uncover more undisclosed news about this subject!

RP OFFICIAL RANKINGS IS A FAKE!

Our undisclosed sources have uncovered a proved fact that will forever shake the foundations of The Land. Using the most encrypted of the mathematical advancements our team from a famous North-American University, the best European and South-American experts, used a time serial data gathered during the last year to reveal who are trully the best warriors batteling across RO. The results are:

Nº1 --> QUE LAG! --> lvl 0 --> RP: 9.999.999.999
Nº2 --> M a t o n --> lvl 50 --> RP: 999.999.999
Nº3 --> Mario of Persia --> lvl 50 --> RP: 999.999.998
Nº4 --> Yansenson --> lvl 50 --> RP: 999.999.997
Nº5 --> Icarus Zelta --> lvl 50 --> RP: 999.999.996

We don't want to bother our readers presenting the full Ignean list, but for the sake of our fans in the other realms we have the entrances corresponding to the best goats that can hold a weapon:

Nº1 --> LAGGGGGGGG --> lvl 0 --> RP: 9.999.999.999
Nº999.999 --> Pelicautghar --> lvl 50 --> RP: 101
Nº1.000.000 --> mahoney --> lvl 50 --> RP: 96
Nº1.000.001 --> Xecat --> lvl 50 --> RP: 92
Nº1.000.002 --> Athor --> lvl 50 --> RP: 89

Last but not least, the only warriors from the land of the fairy elves that deserve some respect for not spending all their time humping on trees:

Nº1 --> ESTOY LAGGEANDO MUCHO! --> lvl 0 --> RP: 9.999.999.999
Nº9.999.999.999 --> Orome --> lvl 50 --> RP: 5
Nº10.000.000.000 --> Saguenay --> lvl 50 --> RP: 3
Nº10.000.000.001 --> Enatim --> lvl 50 --> RP: 2
Nº10.000.000.002 --> Valorius Rageway --> lvl 50 --> RP: +/- 0

And finally the last entrance of our list:

Nº999.999.999.999--> Getulio --> lvl 50 --> RP: 0,000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000001

Xephi, dale (?) traducciòn por favor!

[ArcticWolf]

Guess I'll have to translate it

Okok, I'll do it, just give me some time :P

[Pizdzius]

Guess you went all the way this time a bit more complicated, I might say... too much kicks-in into the text, but that's just my opinion. Makes it a bit unclear in some points. But none the less fun!

--> "Save the trees!": in this game the player has to save the trees from a treehumper, click the tree that's being humped to shake him off and be quick! Or he'll hump another one!

I love that one

Knights get a new power called "Suck this m@d@f*ck@!"

this is priceless

[Narketa]

[misaccc]

right on!awsome

[DkySven]

You can have the pines, Dutchies on board. We have plans to make an axe shaped island for the coast just southwest of Gokstad.