The RO Soap Opera Thread

[Inkster]

After reading this forum for many months and also seeing the flames appearing all over the place, I decided to open the RO Soap Opera Thread,

Place all flames here so all the other threads may remain flameproof as the RO fire department are undermanned at this time

Baaah!

[-Edge-]

WARNING: 18+ What you are about to read is the story about a guy who none of us know anything about. Side effects from this story may include nausea, need to laugh, internal digestion failure, and many more side effects. SO SIT YO FAT ASS DOWN, and read this story bout a motherfucka who wanted some attention and got it. YO!
















-STORY ONE-
"AZAKCRY, A cry to the world..."
CHAPTER 1:
*SLAP* Was the sound I first heard when I was born, where did it come from, I glanced over to my right, and noticed it was the doctor who slapped my mother. "You call that a baby?!" Yelled the Doctor. From that moment I knew I would have a promising life.

Excerpt from Diary: October 16. 1999
Many years passed since my birth, I was now 1 year old. I learned not only to walk, but since I was so great I learned to run before walking. How did I learn, well you see, one day I was in the garden, and I saw my dad talking to the postwoman, they were having a good conversation or something, so I hid in the bush closest to them and listened. "So, I hear you deliver newspapers huh?" said Dad. "Uhm yes Mr. Szuszaczek, ive been delivering delivering papers for 12 years now. "Oho! Thats very interesting!" said Dad. "I think its pretty boring" said the Paperwoman. "Uh...well I do too! I was just kidding...... Yeah! What a stupid job" said my Dad. "Are you making fun of my job?" said the paperwoman. "Uhm no I just uh..." "I love a man that treats me like shit" said the woman. They walked to her mailtruck and hopped in the back, probably to find newspapers I said. I followed, and peeked through a hole in the side of the truck. I noted the truck was bopping up on down, hmm she must have hydraulics in her mailtruck I said. What a cool lady.

I watched as the woman's papers and her bag fell to the floor. * THUD * I stared They were shaking thier hands in a strange way, my father pulled down his pants, I noted this down. "So this must be how adults say hi to each other." I said to myself. So I jumped in the back of the truck too, pulled down my pants, and said I to the lady, *SLAP* "What the fuck are YOU doing azak?!" yelled my dad. The lady ran off screaming back to the front of her mailtruck. By this time my mom came out and wondered what all the screaming was about. All I remeber after that was my dad hitting me with a broom in my back, and thats how I learned to run, all the way around the house. After that my mom said she was going away on vacation.

Excerpt from Diary Dec. 19th 2007
Well now I was now 9 years old. My mom was still away on vacation, I have been living with my dad all these years, I know she'll come home some day form her vacation. Still the bond I shared with my father grew and grew. One day he went in my room and.....

*TORN PAGE*

........I got a computer finnaly today too, one day my dad was flipping through pictures of girls on the internet, and he came across this picture of this girl from some land called Ignis. I think her name was Josephine. Anyway, he was like, I need to get into this game and find this Josephine chick. So thats how WE found Regnum. Eventually we had a fun time, he dressed my character up as a fairy elf. My ingame character is actually a girl, I just look like a man because... well thats where that doctor story fits in from Chapter 1. Anyway. He liked flipping through this place called Syrtis looking for girl elves. Whenever I asked my dad why he loved girls so much all he says is, "its my hobby, now shut up and make me some pasta!" I felt like a Cinderella, I had emotional needs at the time. But oh yea, back to Syrtis, he found this one elf chick called Valorius Rageway, they got along pretty well until the day he found out it was really a guy with long hair. My dad got pretty pissed at that, he made threats, he dosen't like guys who pretend to be girls. Anyway, this Val was stupid, WHAT kind of guy has a female alt anyway? Does he possibly find this attractive, I was sick of this, so it was time for a change.

Excerpt from Diary Dec. 21 2007
The following events may not be historically accurate.

Today was the big day, the day I face Val. I stood there waiting in the arena. And looked up at the stands, alot of people sure came to cheer me on. They were praising me by throwing food at me. My dad always says vegetables are good for you. So these people were smart. I looked up and saw a shadow coming through the arena. It was Valorius. On her back she had 3 Bows of Xymerald or something. "Which one do you want to taste down your throat!?" said Valorius. "Oh a present for me before our battle, in that case I pick the biggest one!" I said. Val stared at me with these huge eyes and mumbled something. Then she hopped down into the arena, it was time for the battle. I gulped down my Estrogen pills, knowing what would be ahead of me. Val just prepared by picking her teeth with one of her arrows. Mighty Surak arrived and took his seat in the box. He raised his hand, meaning let the countdown begin, then he went back to talking with his 7 wives. 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! GO!

The battle had begun! I immediatly started running towards Val to get a good shot, she was standing there waiting for me to take a shot. FOR MEN WHO DON'T HAVE AN ATTRACTION TO FEMALE CHARACTERS IN MASSIVE MULTIPLAYER ONLINE ROLE PLAYING GAMES! I shouted. Just then I tripped on a stone in the arena and died. The battle was over since I died. The results came up on the board. The winner is.... EVIL ROCK! wait no, EVIL STONE! Val stood there gaping at the announcer. She turned a purple, then bluish, then purple colour. The next matter was ther betting booths. since everyone had betted on Valorius, everyone lost their gold. There was a huge outbreak of violence in the crowds. There was this one gay elf who won the bet though, he was sitting in a corner. And he was yelling, BEWARE THE EVIL ROCK! I WARNED YOU ALL! Now im rich! Then I felt dizzy and respawned.

I woke up the next morning and I was in the Figael Inn on life support. I looked to my left and Val was there too on the bunk next to mine, she was still unconsious and purple. They brought in the Conjurers but then a Warlock came in and said stay aside!
The Warlock raised his staff and said CLEAR! A small bolt of Thunder came down onto Valorius, CLEAR! another one. *GAG* Valorius woke up and she returned to her original color in a few short seconds. End of Chapter One...

CHAPTER TWO:
With the Valorius incident behind me, I decided to change myself, cast off the shackles and start fresh. Yea! This time I would be the guy everyonebody looks up to, somehow I would work my way to the top. Hell, maybe I would finnaly start getting an appeal for women. Of course... I wanted to do all this, but it was impossible with my dad using my Regnum account to flirt with the hot elf chicks. I needed to win back my pride. So I started to conduct a scheme to get him away from Regnum. So I knew he was a major horndog. That must be the way to get him out of my life. Get him a new girl. Or, Destroy his taste for Women period. Yes thats what I will do.

One day while my dad was tired from his usual exercises. I snuck on the computer. And I stood there at Stone Altar, waiting for a master plan to come to my head. All of a sudden, I felt a giddy sensation. I looked down and I saw some guy kneeling right next to my crotch. His name said Angelwinged Devil. "AHHHH! Don't kill me! Please!" "What the fuck are you talking about?" said AwD. "A-aren't you an Ignis player coming to kill me or something?" I said. "Far from it dude, Igneans don't know how to play around the way us Syrtians do." said AwD. "Uh what are you doing?" I asked. "Completing my list" said AwD. "List??" "Yea a list... to count how many.... say would you stop moving?" "Uh loook I really don't have time for this, I could like kill you Mr. Angelwings but, ill let you off the hook this time." "Hey wait a minute! I know who you are, HAHA your that noob that faced Val in a PvP. Oh that was classic LOL"

"Would you stop like picking on me? That wasn't me playing that was my... uh... cousin." I mumbled. "You have a cousin? Damn I want to meet him too." said AwD. "Could you leave me alone, im trying to think of a way I can play Regnum full time." I said "Well, I hate you as much as everyone, but if it means I can laugh at you everyday, then ill help you! Count me in, what do you need to do? Kill someone? Dispose of a body? Fake ID for beer? I got plenty if you need some." said AwD. "No, I need to get my dad away from watching porn on the computer." "Really? Well leave it to me in that case." When will he be on to play your account?" "Well he should have all his energy back in about 5 minutes, are you gonna be ready?" "Leave it all to me" said AwD with a evil tone. End of Chapter Two...

BONU$: Aboate mi bad dae

$omewhere in a dark alley in Fi$gael $yrtis, a drug deal is being made:
"Gimmie a dub 40 an a 8 ball". "That'd be 2 Benjamin$, you paying or what nigga?" "......don like." Gigo draw$ his $word and whack$ the gangster in the face. *KA WHACK* G-g-gigo! Get yo drug $wipin ass back over here you little treefucker!

aNd thiz wu$ how I maic a liven. You r talcen to Gigo, n this i$ mi $torie. $o I decidead to go hunten in Ignez. Wile I wuz cro$$en (ha duble $$ im raw) the breadge, an thiz maej jump$ outa nowhear. Im liek, moov oevr yu nekramencer maej! An he ca$ts $ultarz Tarrer on me. So he pi$$ed me ofe. Thi$ iz how I roll faggit! N I pooled out mi blaed and fucked his a$$ up. Then thiz barbarian comz to help the maij I killed. He smasced mi like a patata $aled. So I wuz flien till the dae I dyed. Now I wuz bored,

[-Edge-]

CHAPTER THREE:
So while AwD and Azak were working up a monsterous scheme, somewhere.....in a desert, something else was going on....

AWSOME! I can't wait to go hunting! Yippie Yippie! "Please don't write in caps." "OK but like when are we gonna start this hunt you like totally agreed to come with me!" "(Dear God) I never agreed." "SO, are we going NOW?" "Uhm.....yea sure, we'll be going in a bit, but for now why don't you go scout the area a bit, I need to do some...." "IMPORTANT High level business? OK I feel you, go ahead master Twixy! Im off to scout! Lalalalalala!"

"When I find out who put him in the clan I will hang them, I thought that after I had met Edge I could be able to put up with anything, but this was totally unseen." Mumbled Night Twix. "I need to find a way to get away from this... this thing before I lose my cool, can't lose your cool Twix, stay sharp." *Red Star is Online!* "Oh I got it now..." "Hey Twix, any war?" asked Red Star "No, but listen I need to ask you a fav...." "OMG, Who is that? Now we got a 3 man party! Huzzah!" "SO Twixo are we ready to go ahuntin?" "Well Mang, you see, about that, I uh...have to go help stop the invasion at Samal, Boger can't do it all you know." "Twix what are you talking about theres no war at..." *Twix elbows Red Star in Groin* "OH what the FU..." "So ill catch you later Mang and Red, im off to Samal" "Wait you pt where are you going! You can't leave me here with this....this thing!" *Night Twix gone Offline* "Son of a pt..."

"AW, twix had to go, aw well, we can still go together, its not as fun without a real knight but, I guess you'll have to do." "Whatever mumbled Red Star, can we just go on this hunt then?" "OKEY, I'l lead the way!" "Lalalalala!" "Mang would you stop singing? How the hell are we suppossed to go hunting with you singing the whole time?" "Say wheres your pet?" "Pet? Pfft! Demon Monger says pets are useless!" "Umm ok, like I said, lets just go, here go track over there near the bridge." "I can't track" "What? What kind of hunter are you if you can't track?" "Demon Monger Says tracking is useless" "OK, well do you do everything that Demon Monger tells you?" "Demon Monger says talking to mortals like you is a waste of time" "Damn this is going to be a long day...." End of Chapter 3

Back ot Syrtis in Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR:
"Ok everything is ready, hurry up and log off Azak so I can play this trick on your step dad already."said AwD with a grin on his face. "Uhm ok, uh good luck then, hey put on your wig already!" *Azacry's Apprentice gone Offline* "Should be back on anyminute.... like now." ..........now.............now..............NOW. *Azacry's Apprentice is online* "Alright, now what sweet elf will I taste today. Hmm, oh who's that with that cloak over there?" "Angelwinged....Devil? A naughty angel huh? Just what I was looking for."

"Why hello there beautiful little lady, what are you doing here at this time in the market, you know Ignis could be anywhere looking to capture a sweet damsel such as yourself." "Oh why hello... er (AwD switches over to a much much higher tone) Uh...yes, im a lost little girl, im looking for a big strong bodyguard to walk me home, maybe you could help me?? *wink wink* "Uh yea id be sure to help walk you home." "Ok then, lets go, but hold my hand" "S-s-sure." ".......uh so, how old are you?" "Oh ill be 17 next month" "Uh huh......uh........so where do you live?" "Oh a small syrtis village to the north-east of the gate. Its a small village though, so im usually home alone, yea, did I mention theres no police either. Its a shame."

"Oh that sounds good" ( Damn online dating is getting easier and easier these days ) "Well I see my house from here, thanks for bringing me home, here, allow me to pay you with a little gold." Here let me just kneel down and put it in your wallet, wheres you wallet anyway?" "!!Uh, well its somewhere down there in one of my pockets, why don't you uh....fish it out for yourself hehe." "Ho ho wow thats what im talking about." "Oh yea baby let me just stroke your hair, so smooth. Wha, what the fuck?" *AwD pulls off the wig* "Heheh yea that marks 1000 people ive made love too!" "What the fuck! Your a guy! Thats the second time this has happened to me! Im outa here!" *Azakcry's Apprentice gone offline* "Priceless, and I finnaly hit 1000" *Azakcry's Apprentice is Online!* "Hey AwD! You did it, you ruined his mood for Regnum! Now all he is doing is crying in a corner with a thumb in his mouth rocking back and forth saying, "I was violated!" "Heh no problem Azak." "Now I can play Regnum whenever I want all by myslef! How can I repay you?" "Oh you don't need to pay me anything, I got what I wanted...." End of Chapter 4
















= Pure Spam (someday I will finish it....)

[kraetyz]

You're so messed up, Edge.

[-Edge-]

Originally Posted by kraetyz

You're so messed up, Edge.

You have no idea

[Mattdoesrock]

Wow.

Im lost for words. Man, a psychologist could really go to town on this

That part with gigo made me LOL.

[kraetyz]

Originally Posted by Rated_R_Edge

You have no idea

Actually, after that last post, I think I have.

[Valorius]

LOL, poor Azak! :-P

[Angelwinged_Devil]

I fucking hate all you guys, you suck, this is the best flame ever, do you guys need torches, let my flames light em' up

[-Edge-]

Ahh, that was back in the Azakcry days.... for those of you who don't know thats kinda like what Hell_Bound is nowadays ^^

Its pure hatred in that post, it still makes me shiver to this day, alas, I regret it, but im Rated R