The Medenet Times - Page 6

arlick · 01-09-2008, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xephandor

Guess I'll have to translate it

Okok, I'll do it, just give me some time :P

come on xeph!! hurry up!!

ArcticWolf · 01-10-2008, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arlick

come on xeph!! hurry up!!

Owww... Give me a break!!! I'm trying to work on the ROLGps, unwiring my lan (moving to wifi

), studying for the university and making some security tests on my computers. Plus I had a fight with my father yesterday (son of divorced parents, and I need money).

Give me a couple of hours!

adrianpf · 01-10-2008, 01:51 AM

Dear lord!

Simply awesome! I laughed my ass off!

Keep the great job, can't wait for TMT Nº2

Signatus · 02-01-2008, 10:01 PM

The Medenet Times nº2

EDITORIAL

The redaction of "The Medenet Times" has to ask forgiveness from our readers, at least from those who rule themselves by outer-world time conventions. We have received several letters denoting anxiety and eagerness for a new number, advocating that it was delayed, but although we apologize for failing your expectations we must state that according to The Land's laws of physics this number is being finished precisely one week after the last one! The reasons for this disturbance among nature laws can be found, as usual, in the wrath of our Gods. Our reporters have been warping across The Land in the last 3 weeks, in outer-world time, and continuously being caught by The Great Void ("crash" in outer-world language conventions): so by adding the minutes they could actually interview someone we have our week, nothing more, nothing less...

ARE THERE SHE'S IN ALSIUS?!

A known Ignean zoologist has recently won an international prize (whose jury included 9 Igneans out of 10 members) for his new theories on Alsirian beasts sexuality, as he stated to our journal:

"I have no doubts they are hermaphrodites! And as proof I have pictures from Wudy and Policauthgar, tell me honestly, do you think that even if there where pure females they would feel attracted by those ugly faces?!"

"It's a very wise argument sir, but there are reports of female like Alsirians, namely one known as "ByteMe"..."

"I've got a theory for that too, I'm almost sure that "she"'s undergoing a complete transformation for a female body, one possible stage of their nature... I have pictures from two different moments... look: as you can see on this pictures she has (.)(.), but after some time she now exhibits a healthier ( . )( . ). Besides, if "she" was a pure female do you think she would be called "ByteMe" and then by wearing a full plate knight armor, no, no, no... look our conjurer chicks, those are sexy girls no doubts about it!

Our reporters have also interviewed the only jury member that wasn't from our proud nationality:

"And how about you, worthless heretic, don't you see the clear implications that arise from these proofs?"

"oh that's what troubles me a lot -.-' I see myself as a person with self control, I can look people in the eye even though they are standing naked in front of me, even if the naked person is a woman"

"You what?"

"yes and people have tried to test me"

"No wonder you're from Syrtis!!!"

ADVERTISEMENT

Ignean boys, protect yourselves and your ladies from nasty diseases transmitted via "make love, not war" cozy moments:

"XYM CONDOMS, +7 pleasure added: Valorius tested, combat approved!"

"WILL HUNTERS BE CRAPPIER THEN KNIGHTS?" AT BETONIGNIS.COM

The most famous Ignean bets house has released a new game for the joy of Ignis citizens. On this new game the player has to bet on the possible outcomes that the announced intervention of the Gods will produce in the natural balance of The Land. The odds range from "Hunters will get more weak then a tiny beetle... omfg, don't touch SoW!" paying 25 for each piece of gold invested; to "Hunters will get more worthless then a knight... save us Surak Almighty!!!" paying 9.999.999.999 per piece. On the other hand we have "I've already changed my clan title from <ninja> to <invisible man>... uh..., I mean <invisible girl>, MWUAAHAHAHAHA" paying 1/4 per piece and "Who cares? My pet is invisible now while camu right?... right? Yes, wiiiiiii, I love this f#ck!ng game! Uh! I told a profanity!? Argh! I can't play tonight, I have to pray for my salvation!" paying 1/2 per piece.

DISTURBING PERSONALITY DISORDER IS AFFECTING WORTHLESS HERETIC CITIZEN

Our undisclosed sources have caught a rumor stating that a known clan founder from yet another worthless heretic lot has suffered from a personality disorder in the recent weeks:

"I'm telling you, he looks strange! He giggles, smiles, blinks, waves, hugs and says constantly «hun» and «cry me a river»... besides getting utterly pawned by Ignean armies... oh, wait, he already did this!"

"Wait a minute, he's replicating a known..."

"Yes, I know! Yesterday he told me, out of nothing, «Blood Skin looks *so* hawt on me», and I though «OMG, I'm so dead, I'm going to get stuffed by an arrow!!" but then he started blinking again and taking his hat off... he has a hat now!!!"

"When did this happened?"

"It started a couple of days ago, he arrived Fisgael Inn tremendously happy; he told us, between the first giggles and smiles, that he had gathered secret Ignean intelligence from an Hidden Council or something like that, and he said «At last we won something against them! Don't you think so hun?»"

"Yes, I heard about that, but he denounced his position so it was a pretty useless move!"

"Yes unfortunately he hasn't replicated her wits..."

"Nor her beauty..."

"Nor her charisma..."

"Nor her cute little ass... anyway what are you doing about that?"

"We've got to treat him before he copies the unhealthy habit that she has of killing us by the dozens... we'll keep him close to AwD for the time being, he doesn't seem so disturbed while he's exchanging insults with him, by keeping him around familiar faces that he likes to punch we hope he gets to his old self soon... I secretly prefer his new personality but what if his skin color changes!?"

--> AND NOW SOME NEWS FROM THE OUTER-WORLDS

KNOWN ASTROLOGIST REVEALS 2038 LITERATURE NOBEL PRIZE

Our sources have found an exceptional astrologist that has been able to view into the future and see accurately who is the 2038's literature Nobel Prize, lets look at the discourse from the head jury:

"... but before we announce the winner of this edition we would like to highlight the following writer for its "narrative richness": Mr. Froste! Don't give up now Mr. Froste, perhaps one day "narrative richness" will be a synonym for "literary quality" and you'll be able to win something more then the Oslo's Rotary Club Annual Writing Award! And now, the moment we all have been waiting for... this year's Best Leading Role Actor Oscar goes to... (drums)... ups, sorry, wrong card... it's this one, sorry... and this years Literature Nobel Prize goes to... (drums)... Mr.... (pause) RATED (quick pause) R (quick pause) EDGE!!! For it's innovative use of the medieval popular style of parody..."

Not believing on a single word from the astrologist our reporters wanted to interview the juries but we could only get a small description from three of them:

"I can see an Argentinian drinking his 6th straight bottle of cherry coke and saying to the empty bottle «Oh man, where have you been all my life?»... a Polish good looking guy drawing frenetically on his laptop and mumbling «I hope Surak likes this one too!»... and a Serbian running around all dinner tables screaming «SPAM» on the middle of every conversation..."

AL-QAEDA AWARDS IGNIS CHARACTERS WITH 20 VIRGINS IN AFTERLIFE

A tape recording an announcement made by "the most known bearded guy just after Wudy" has arrived Al-Jazzera's offices and has been promptly broadcasted first in The Pentagon and, 999.999 studies after, on CNN. On this new hatred statement He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Because-We-Don't-Know-How-To-Pronounce-It announces the fall of the western civilizations and replays all those philosophical stuff he learned in Oxford, but this time he added a clear statement supporting all Ignis characters:

"Remember that our crusade is a holy one, remember that the demise of our enemies is written on the sacred books, die fighting the heretics and you'll be rewarded with 20 virgins afterlife!"

A know Ignean barbarian, famous for getting continuously killed because he's always the first one to throw himself against the fairy elves said something like "Wooot, OMG, how much is 9.999.999.999 times 20?!!!"

NGD STUDIOS FACE GREENPEACE LAW SUIT

Our undisclosed sources near the famous activist group have secretly passed us an information concerning an approaching law suit targeting NGD studios:

"Yes, we'll sue them... when we can't hijack oil transport ships, nor bomb wood chopping machines we go for a softer approach, we only want them closed and their backs whipped by a genuine Micronesian whipping device that can be bought all across the world through a «Fair Trade» shop..."

"But why do you target NGD Studios? They are not known for abusive exploration of any resource of Gaia - Our Mother Earth!"

"WHAT?! CAN'T YOU SEE?! They use goats to engage war!, they allow «the gain of experience» through continuous killing of helpless animals!, and where does all that wood for arrows come from?... they are chopping more trees then Brazilian farmers near Amazon Forest!"

"Well but they aren't real goats... they just look like it, it's an Alsius hominid, and mobs are respawned, they aren't really killed and arrows aren't made of real wood you know?..."

"WHAT, ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT GENETICALLY MODIFIED ORGANISMS?! FORGET THE LAW SUIT, WE'LL BOMB THEM!"

----------------

The TMT change log:

-nerfed style for not including so much sexist, speciesist, "xenophobist", racist and other -ist content... but I'm not good enough for a "Funny Political Correct TMT"... yet.

-nerfed style for not including F- words and such, I'm solidary with Solarus efforts... I'll only use them when I quote him.

-nerfed style for stop teasing Valorius (and I failed), she casted a permanent SoW and ran away (as usual)... "others" will have to fill the gap.

-nerfed style for stop saying Twix was "Thaaa Man"... I'm now writing a book called "Twix IS Thaaa Man" (I only need a new xym bow Twix, to finish the 1st chapter ^^)

-nerfed style to use lag as a good excuse for everything in life... except sex:

"Sorry baby, I was lagging, I had to cast "OMG, YEAH BABY" sooner then it was supposed..."

"That's it?... I should get a better connection! This one "drops" too quickly!"

-nerfed SoW: now it doesn't allow the cast of offensive spells but lasts 5 sec longer on lvl5... sorry, wrong change log...

-if you are reading this instead of getting a girl (or 2...) for the upcoming St. Valentine day that's because you have your priorities seriously mixed bro...

daflear · 02-01-2008, 10:03 PM

Omg, awsome!!!

misaccc · 02-01-2008, 10:08 PM

briliant

Miraculix · 02-01-2008, 11:58 PM

screw political correctness, the best comedy is never PC

PS: of course, awesome as usual...

...well, for a tomato. Man those genetically modified plants are starting to mutate just a bit too much.

Pizdzius · 02-02-2008, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Signatus

(...) and a Serbian running around all dinner tables screaming «SPAM» on the middle of every conversation..."

that one cracked me up so I started to roll on the floor laughing

BRILLIANT, man!

misaccc · 02-02-2008, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aardvak2669

that one cracked me up so I started to roll on the floor laughing

BRILLIANT, man!

yea i mean whos that idiot?SPAM!

GIGO305 · 02-02-2008, 12:51 AM

:LOL:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG thast soooooo fucking funny its like the comedy sentral of regnum racist,sexualy preverted, foul languege I LUV IT!

u deserve an award

01-10-2008, 01:51 AM	#53
adrianpf Count Join Date: May 2007 Location: Far away, across the fields... Posts: 1,331	Dear lord! Simply awesome! I laughed my ass off! Keep the great job, can't wait for TMT Nº2 __________________ <Krishna> <Krieger><Avalancha de Disney >

02-01-2008, 10:01 PM	#54
Signatus Master Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Damn, I'm lost again!... but now I have a map, wiii! Posts: 389	The Medenet Times nº2 The Medenet Times nº2 EDITORIAL The redaction of "The Medenet Times" has to ask forgiveness from our readers, at least from those who rule themselves by outer-world time conventions. We have received several letters denoting anxiety and eagerness for a new number, advocating that it was delayed, but although we apologize for failing your expectations we must state that according to The Land's laws of physics this number is being finished precisely one week after the last one! The reasons for this disturbance among nature laws can be found, as usual, in the wrath of our Gods. Our reporters have been warping across The Land in the last 3 weeks, in outer-world time, and continuously being caught by The Great Void ("crash" in outer-world language conventions): so by adding the minutes they could actually interview someone we have our week, nothing more, nothing less... ARE THERE SHE'S IN ALSIUS?! A known Ignean zoologist has recently won an international prize (whose jury included 9 Igneans out of 10 members) for his new theories on Alsirian beasts sexuality, as he stated to our journal: "I have no doubts they are hermaphrodites! And as proof I have pictures from Wudy and Policauthgar, tell me honestly, do you think that even if there where pure females they would feel attracted by those ugly faces?!" "It's a very wise argument sir, but there are reports of female like Alsirians, namely one known as "ByteMe"..." "I've got a theory for that too, I'm almost sure that "she"'s undergoing a complete transformation for a female body, one possible stage of their nature... I have pictures from two different moments... look: as you can see on this pictures she has (.)(.), but after some time she now exhibits a healthier ( . )( . ). Besides, if "she" was a pure female do you think she would be called "ByteMe" and then by wearing a full plate knight armor, no, no, no... look our conjurer chicks, those are sexy girls no doubts about it! Our reporters have also interviewed the only jury member that wasn't from our proud nationality: "And how about you, worthless heretic, don't you see the clear implications that arise from these proofs?" "oh that's what troubles me a lot -.-' I see myself as a person with self control, I can look people in the eye even though they are standing naked in front of me, even if the naked person is a woman" "You what?" "yes and people have tried to test me" "No wonder you're from Syrtis!!!" ADVERTISEMENT Ignean boys, protect yourselves and your ladies from nasty diseases transmitted via "make love, not war" cozy moments: "XYM CONDOMS, +7 pleasure added: Valorius tested, combat approved!" "WILL HUNTERS BE CRAPPIER THEN KNIGHTS?" AT BETONIGNIS.COM The most famous Ignean bets house has released a new game for the joy of Ignis citizens. On this new game the player has to bet on the possible outcomes that the announced intervention of the Gods will produce in the natural balance of The Land. The odds range from "Hunters will get more weak then a tiny beetle... omfg, don't touch SoW!" paying 25 for each piece of gold invested; to "Hunters will get more worthless then a knight... save us Surak Almighty!!!" paying 9.999.999.999 per piece. On the other hand we have "I've already changed my clan title from <ninja> to <invisible man>... uh..., I mean <invisible girl>, MWUAAHAHAHAHA" paying 1/4 per piece and "Who cares? My pet is invisible now while camu right?... right? Yes, wiiiiiii, I love this f#ck!ng game! Uh! I told a profanity!? Argh! I can't play tonight, I have to pray for my salvation!" paying 1/2 per piece. DISTURBING PERSONALITY DISORDER IS AFFECTING WORTHLESS HERETIC CITIZEN Our undisclosed sources have caught a rumor stating that a known clan founder from yet another worthless heretic lot has suffered from a personality disorder in the recent weeks: "I'm telling you, he looks strange! He giggles, smiles, blinks, waves, hugs and says constantly «hun» and «cry me a river»... besides getting utterly pawned by Ignean armies... oh, wait, he already did this!" "Wait a minute, he's replicating a known..." "Yes, I know! Yesterday he told me, out of nothing, «Blood Skin looks so hawt on me», and I though «OMG, I'm so dead, I'm going to get stuffed by an arrow!!" but then he started blinking again and taking his hat off... he has a hat now!!!" "When did this happened?" "It started a couple of days ago, he arrived Fisgael Inn tremendously happy; he told us, between the first giggles and smiles, that he had gathered secret Ignean intelligence from an Hidden Council or something like that, and he said «At last we won something against them! Don't you think so hun?»" "Yes, I heard about that, but he denounced his position so it was a pretty useless move!" "Yes unfortunately he hasn't replicated her wits..." "Nor her beauty..." "Nor her charisma..." "Nor her cute little ass... anyway what are you doing about that?" "We've got to treat him before he copies the unhealthy habit that she has of killing us by the dozens... we'll keep him close to AwD for the time being, he doesn't seem so disturbed while he's exchanging insults with him, by keeping him around familiar faces that he likes to punch we hope he gets to his old self soon... I secretly prefer his new personality but what if his skin color changes!?" --> AND NOW SOME NEWS FROM THE OUTER-WORLDS KNOWN ASTROLOGIST REVEALS 2038 LITERATURE NOBEL PRIZE Our sources have found an exceptional astrologist that has been able to view into the future and see accurately who is the 2038's literature Nobel Prize, lets look at the discourse from the head jury: "... but before we announce the winner of this edition we would like to highlight the following writer for its "narrative richness": Mr. Froste! Don't give up now Mr. Froste, perhaps one day "narrative richness" will be a synonym for "literary quality" and you'll be able to win something more then the Oslo's Rotary Club Annual Writing Award! And now, the moment we all have been waiting for... this year's Best Leading Role Actor Oscar goes to... (drums)... ups, sorry, wrong card... it's this one, sorry... and this years Literature Nobel Prize goes to... (drums)... Mr.... (pause) RATED (quick pause) R (quick pause) EDGE!!! For it's innovative use of the medieval popular style of parody..." Not believing on a single word from the astrologist our reporters wanted to interview the juries but we could only get a small description from three of them: "I can see an Argentinian drinking his 6th straight bottle of cherry coke and saying to the empty bottle «Oh man, where have you been all my life?»... a Polish good looking guy drawing frenetically on his laptop and mumbling «I hope Surak likes this one too!»... and a Serbian running around all dinner tables screaming «SPAM» on the middle of every conversation..." AL-QAEDA AWARDS IGNIS CHARACTERS WITH 20 VIRGINS IN AFTERLIFE A tape recording an announcement made by "the most known bearded guy just after Wudy" has arrived Al-Jazzera's offices and has been promptly broadcasted first in The Pentagon and, 999.999 studies after, on CNN. On this new hatred statement He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Because-We-Don't-Know-How-To-Pronounce-It announces the fall of the western civilizations and replays all those philosophical stuff he learned in Oxford, but this time he added a clear statement supporting all Ignis characters: "Remember that our crusade is a holy one, remember that the demise of our enemies is written on the sacred books, die fighting the heretics and you'll be rewarded with 20 virgins afterlife!" A know Ignean barbarian, famous for getting continuously killed because he's always the first one to throw himself against the fairy elves said something like "Wooot, OMG, how much is 9.999.999.999 times 20?!!!" NGD STUDIOS FACE GREENPEACE LAW SUIT Our undisclosed sources near the famous activist group have secretly passed us an information concerning an approaching law suit targeting NGD studios: "Yes, we'll sue them... when we can't hijack oil transport ships, nor bomb wood chopping machines we go for a softer approach, we only want them closed and their backs whipped by a genuine Micronesian whipping device that can be bought all across the world through a «Fair Trade» shop..." "But why do you target NGD Studios? They are not known for abusive exploration of any resource of Gaia - Our Mother Earth!" "WHAT?! CAN'T YOU SEE?! They use goats to engage war!, they allow «the gain of experience» through continuous killing of helpless animals!, and where does all that wood for arrows come from?... they are chopping more trees then Brazilian farmers near Amazon Forest!" "Well but they aren't real goats... they just look like it, it's an Alsius hominid, and mobs are respawned, they aren't really killed and arrows aren't made of real wood you know?..." "WHAT, ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT GENETICALLY MODIFIED ORGANISMS?! FORGET THE LAW SUIT, WE'LL BOMB THEM!" ---------------- The TMT change log: -nerfed style for not including so much sexist, speciesist, "xenophobist", racist and other -ist content... but I'm not good enough for a "Funny Political Correct TMT"... yet. -nerfed style for not including F- words and such, I'm solidary with Solarus efforts... I'll only use them when I quote him. -nerfed style for stop teasing Valorius (and I failed), she casted a permanent SoW and ran away (as usual)... "others" will have to fill the gap. -nerfed style for stop saying Twix was "Thaaa Man"... I'm now writing a book called "Twix IS Thaaa Man" (I only need a new xym bow Twix, to finish the 1st chapter ^^) -nerfed style to use lag as a good excuse for everything in life... except sex: "Sorry baby, I was lagging, I had to cast "OMG, YEAH BABY" sooner then it was supposed..." "That's it?... I should get a better connection! This one "drops" too quickly!" -nerfed SoW: now it doesn't allow the cast of offensive spells but lasts 5 sec longer on lvl5... sorry, wrong change log... -if you are reading this instead of getting a girl (or 2...) for the upcoming St. Valentine day that's because you have your priorities seriously mixed bro... __________________ The sound of the Gion Shōja bells echoes the impermanence of all things; the color of the sāla flowers reveals the truth that the prosperous must decline. The proud do not endure, they are like a dream on a spring night; the mighty fall at last, they are as dust before the wind. -- Chapter 1.1 of The Tale of Heike, Helen Craig McCullough's translation

02-01-2008, 10:03 PM	#55
daflear Initiate Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 220	Omg, awsome!!! __________________ Milk Nanny Ogg Susan

02-01-2008, 11:58 PM	#57
Miraculix Count Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Infinite Improbability Drive Posts: 1,287	screw political correctness, the best comedy is never PC PS: of course, awesome as usual... ...well, for a tomato. Man those genetically modified plants are starting to mutate just a bit too much. __________________ Hit me, nail me, make me God. Panoramix :: Half Elf Hunter ## Miraculix :: Half Elf Marksman ## Aspirinix :: Wood Elf Conjurer Syrtis :: Horus :: Antartes

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02-01-2008, 10:08 PM	#56
misaccc Banned Join Date: May 2007 Location: Belgrade!!! Posts: 1,807	briliant

02-02-2008, 12:51 AM	#60
GIGO305 Banned Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: with ur mom Posts: 939	:LOL: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG thast soooooo fucking funny its like the comedy sentral of regnum racist,sexualy preverted, foul languege I LUV IT! u deserve an award