The Medenet Times

Signatus · 01-03-2008, 02:14 AM

The Medenet Times nº0

VALORIUS RAGEWAY'S NEW TACTIC!

The infamous heretic Valorius Rageway has developed another killer tactic! Undisclosed sources in fairy elves land has stated to our journal: "Yeah, he's got a new tactic... Now he flees either to the right or to the left before we get pawned by the mighty Ignean armies, as usual, when they attack us with at most half of our numbers. He used to run to the back letting us get killed, so it's a groundbreaking improvement, we still get pawned but we are happy because he's flanking them... or at least I think so. Perhaps someday he'll stick with the rest of our troops and get an honorable death... Oh, wait, don't put my name on this!"

IGNIS MINISTER OF DEFENSE IS WORKING ON A SECRET WEAPON!

Unconfirmed sources stated to our journal that Ignis is working on a secret weapon to provide additional defense against Syrtian attacks at Samal. Accordingly to these sources "The minister is promoting a campaign to find a male warrior to start the first experiments" Excited at the prospect of being developed a super-Ignean-hero the ministerial sources promptly denied it "No, we don't need more super-warriors, we've got Night Twix... we need a gay icon to stand at the top of the Samal tower. This way Syrtian parties will be more frequent, diminishing the attack waves delay from 1 minute to 30 seconds, and they'll get infatuated with that view, this way we expect that unexperienced warriors may be enough to defend Samal... like 6 of us against 30 of them, I honestly think that's enough defense, we usually do the same with 10 men!" However this new "weapon" might be difficult to develop due to the lack of volunteers.

BOGER'S RETURN AT BETONIGNIS.COM!

Boger's return to the War Zone has been tipped at the famous Ignean bets house. The odds range from "Isn't that Bog getting pawned again?" paying 1/2 of gold for each invested, to "Nah, he'll never show up. He'll leave us like my father did when I was 8... Buah, why life is so unfair?!" paying 9.999.999.999 for each piece of gold paid. Gentleman, make your bets.

ALMIGHTY SURAK PREPARING HIMSELF FOR GOATS CLONING!

Unconfirmed sources have stated to our journal that Surak "Almighty" is preparing an unprecedented miracle upon The Land. Accordingly to unknown sources he'll promote a mass cloning of goats in the coming weeks in order to satisfy Ignean demand. "The price of goat meat is skyrocketing, I've been hunting for four straight hours and only killed twelve goats, that's a disgrace for business!" stated a depressed Ignean hunter. The same sources also expressed Surak's relief on cloning goats: "Imagine that he had to clone the mighty Igneans? Everybody knows how hard it is to replicate complex and superior structures!" asserted the same source.

--> And now some news from the outer worlds

ACTIVISION BLIZZARD IS PREPARING ANOTHER TAKEOVER JUST AFTER THE ANNOUNCED MERGE

Unconfirmed sources delivered us an unpublished interview with Activision's CEO Bobby Kotick where he revealed an unsuspecting target of his company:

"I can't believe this! We have the people, we have the dollars, we have president Bush in our hands and these "Holas!" still own us! How is this possible? Have they never eared about capitalism?... They make a masterpiece of a game and they don't charge for playing?! Are they mocking me?!... Now leave me alone!... If they solve that lag problem it's my doom!!!"

"Sir, how do you know about the lag issue?"

"Mmm, what? Leave me alone, I have to buy this NGD thing before they fix these crashes..."

"Sir, are you playing Regnum too?"

"Oh, of course not!" then he slammed his office door. Shortly after we heard "F*ck! These Igneans lot make The Scourge look like Teletubbies! I have to buy this Night Twix char rights, he's ten times cooler then that stupid Lich King!"

This journal would like to underline the words "UNCONFIRMED SOURCES" (please don't sue me, I spent all my money on enough ximerin to go from lvl 1 to 2!!)

POLISH CITIZEN JAILED IN NEW YEAR'S EVE FOR ATTACKING "ONE OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE"

Unconfirmed sources stated to our journal that a polish citizen was jailed after pursuing a midget, sorry, "one of the little people" in the streets of an undisclosed polish city. According to the authorities:

"Well, he was drunk and naked, and he was running down the street... but that wasn't the problem!"

"It wasn't a problem?!"

"No, not really, when a drunk guy runs around at 5 a.m. without his clothes on with 10º below zero the problem quickly becomes a medical one so we just call an ambulance! The problem was that he found a bearded midget... uh, I mean "one of the little people", on the street and shouted "ACA, CABRAS EN SAMAL" and jumped at the poor fellow! He's at the police station mumbling something like «I said I wasn't going to play Regnum again, I must not play Regnum again...»".

MORE AND MORE EUROPEAN CITIZENS ASK FOR ARGENTINIAN CITIZENSHIP

"This Europe thing sucks, all these public inquiries, all this "European Constitution" stuff, I'm sick of this, I want to live on a country where I can see my president and get a hard on at the same time!" said an unconfirmed European source. "I already know how to say Hola, Aca, A Samal and Junte en Ponte Blanca... ah, and Es muy hermosa! to conjurer chicks, do I honestly need to know anything else, no! And dude, if the president of the country looks like that have you thought about the rest of the girls, that must be heaven!" European authorities are concerned with the growing carelessness shown towards politics among the youngest citizens, and now that Argentina has the cutest of the presidents there's a growing fear that more and more male workforce will ask for political asylum for "ideological reasons".

FINAL NOTES

Post any news concerning the proved superiority of Ignis over their enemies but remember to use the "undisclosed sources", "unconfirmed sources" and "sources allegedly claimed that" trick: journals never lie (and this is the way to never do it)!
Syrtis and Alsius users should get their own journal if they have the guts for it... pawning them in a press war will be as entertaining as pawning them at Samal!
This is no place for flame wars, this is a "journal" and this is just another way to tease other players and laugh a bit about it, keep your personal disputes at minimum so that you won't spawn the thread over and over again with the same issue, repetitive news don't help to sell!
Last but not least, use your imagination but stick to something people will recognize: like IGNIS RULES!

Pizdzius · 01-03-2008, 02:33 AM

LOOOL

I love it... /me snickers

awesome job, I'd love a new "episode" every week!!!

about the polish citizen... oh man. So true.

Miraculix · 01-03-2008, 03:11 AM

Aw man, papers are biased even in virtual worlds

At least this one is in *favor* of the reds!

Awesome btw!

Piz, make one of the characters in your comic read the medenet times

Froste · 01-03-2008, 03:50 AM

Pure gold.

adrianpf · 01-03-2008, 05:03 AM

This is a masterpiece! And it so sutile!

PD: In Argentina there's a magazine that uses the same way for news.. it's called "Barcelona" (An european solution for Argentinians problems). I love that kinda style!

Meiyeeer · 01-03-2008, 08:19 AM

LOL. great stuff!

trash · 01-03-2008, 10:59 AM

Trix giggles

Good work hun!

Pizdzius · 01-03-2008, 12:01 PM

Yeah I'd love to, great idea! Can I?

misaccc · 01-03-2008, 12:54 PM

This is awsome dude i wanna be a reporter or a photographer lol

_dracus_ · 01-03-2008, 01:46 PM

SEX LIFE

Syrtis women are more happy in their sex life than other women, according to a recent survey (Happy women in Syrtis 18%, in Ignis 17.5%, in Alsius 4%).

Pizdzius was seen in Alsius orgy (gays and goats only).

01-03-2008, 02:14 AM	#1
Signatus Master Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Damn, I'm lost again!... but now I have a map, wiii! Posts: 389	The Medenet Times The Medenet Times nº0 VALORIUS RAGEWAY'S NEW TACTIC! The infamous heretic Valorius Rageway has developed another killer tactic! Undisclosed sources in fairy elves land has stated to our journal: "Yeah, he's got a new tactic... Now he flees either to the right or to the left before we get pawned by the mighty Ignean armies, as usual, when they attack us with at most half of our numbers. He used to run to the back letting us get killed, so it's a groundbreaking improvement, we still get pawned but we are happy because he's flanking them... or at least I think so. Perhaps someday he'll stick with the rest of our troops and get an honorable death... Oh, wait, don't put my name on this!" IGNIS MINISTER OF DEFENSE IS WORKING ON A SECRET WEAPON! Unconfirmed sources stated to our journal that Ignis is working on a secret weapon to provide additional defense against Syrtian attacks at Samal. Accordingly to these sources "The minister is promoting a campaign to find a male warrior to start the first experiments" Excited at the prospect of being developed a super-Ignean-hero the ministerial sources promptly denied it "No, we don't need more super-warriors, we've got Night Twix... we need a gay icon to stand at the top of the Samal tower. This way Syrtian parties will be more frequent, diminishing the attack waves delay from 1 minute to 30 seconds, and they'll get infatuated with that view, this way we expect that unexperienced warriors may be enough to defend Samal... like 6 of us against 30 of them, I honestly think that's enough defense, we usually do the same with 10 men!" However this new "weapon" might be difficult to develop due to the lack of volunteers. BOGER'S RETURN AT BETONIGNIS.COM! Boger's return to the War Zone has been tipped at the famous Ignean bets house. The odds range from "Isn't that Bog getting pawned again?" paying 1/2 of gold for each invested, to "Nah, he'll never show up. He'll leave us like my father did when I was 8... Buah, why life is so unfair?!" paying 9.999.999.999 for each piece of gold paid. Gentleman, make your bets. ALMIGHTY SURAK PREPARING HIMSELF FOR GOATS CLONING! Unconfirmed sources have stated to our journal that Surak "Almighty" is preparing an unprecedented miracle upon The Land. Accordingly to unknown sources he'll promote a mass cloning of goats in the coming weeks in order to satisfy Ignean demand. "The price of goat meat is skyrocketing, I've been hunting for four straight hours and only killed twelve goats, that's a disgrace for business!" stated a depressed Ignean hunter. The same sources also expressed Surak's relief on cloning goats: "Imagine that he had to clone the mighty Igneans? Everybody knows how hard it is to replicate complex and superior structures!" asserted the same source. --> And now some news from the outer worlds ACTIVISION BLIZZARD IS PREPARING ANOTHER TAKEOVER JUST AFTER THE ANNOUNCED MERGE Unconfirmed sources delivered us an unpublished interview with Activision's CEO Bobby Kotick where he revealed an unsuspecting target of his company: "I can't believe this! We have the people, we have the dollars, we have president Bush in our hands and these "Holas!" still own us! How is this possible? Have they never eared about capitalism?... They make a masterpiece of a game and they don't charge for playing?! Are they mocking me?!... Now leave me alone!... If they solve that lag problem it's my doom!!!" "Sir, how do you know about the lag issue?" "Mmm, what? Leave me alone, I have to buy this NGD thing before they fix these crashes..." "Sir, are you playing Regnum too?" "Oh, of course not!" then he slammed his office door. Shortly after we heard "F*ck! These Igneans lot make The Scourge look like Teletubbies! I have to buy this Night Twix char rights, he's ten times cooler then that stupid Lich King!" This journal would like to underline the words "UNCONFIRMED SOURCES" (please don't sue me, I spent all my money on enough ximerin to go from lvl 1 to 2!!) POLISH CITIZEN JAILED IN NEW YEAR'S EVE FOR ATTACKING "ONE OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE" Unconfirmed sources stated to our journal that a polish citizen was jailed after pursuing a midget, sorry, "one of the little people" in the streets of an undisclosed polish city. According to the authorities: "Well, he was drunk and naked, and he was running down the street... but that wasn't the problem!" "It wasn't a problem?!" "No, not really, when a drunk guy runs around at 5 a.m. without his clothes on with 10º below zero the problem quickly becomes a medical one so we just call an ambulance! The problem was that he found a bearded midget... uh, I mean "one of the little people", on the street and shouted "ACA, CABRAS EN SAMAL" and jumped at the poor fellow! He's at the police station mumbling something like «I said I wasn't going to play Regnum again, I must not play Regnum again...»". MORE AND MORE EUROPEAN CITIZENS ASK FOR ARGENTINIAN CITIZENSHIP "This Europe thing sucks, all these public inquiries, all this "European Constitution" stuff, I'm sick of this, I want to live on a country where I can see my president and get a hard on at the same time!" said an unconfirmed European source. "I already know how to say Hola, Aca, A Samal and Junte en Ponte Blanca... ah, and Es muy hermosa! to conjurer chicks, do I honestly need to know anything else, no! And dude, if the president of the country looks like that have you thought about the rest of the girls, that must be heaven!" European authorities are concerned with the growing carelessness shown towards politics among the youngest citizens, and now that Argentina has the cutest of the presidents there's a growing fear that more and more male workforce will ask for political asylum for "ideological reasons". FINAL NOTES Post any news concerning the proved superiority of Ignis over their enemies but remember to use the "undisclosed sources", "unconfirmed sources" and "sources allegedly claimed that" trick: journals never lie (and this is the way to never do it)! Syrtis and Alsius users should get their own journal if they have the guts for it... pawning them in a press war will be as entertaining as pawning them at Samal! This is no place for flame wars, this is a "journal" and this is just another way to tease other players and laugh a bit about it, keep your personal disputes at minimum so that you won't spawn the thread over and over again with the same issue, repetitive news don't help to sell! Last but not least, use your imagination but stick to something people will recognize: like IGNIS RULES! __________________ The sound of the Gion Shōja bells echoes the impermanence of all things; the color of the sāla flowers reveals the truth that the prosperous must decline. The proud do not endure, they are like a dream on a spring night; the mighty fall at last, they are as dust before the wind. -- Chapter 1.1 of The Tale of Heike, Helen Craig McCullough's translation

01-03-2008, 02:33 AM	#2
Pizdzius Baron Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Polish Side of RA Posts: 779	LOOOL I love it... /me snickers awesome job, I'd love a new "episode" every week!!! about the polish citizen... oh man. So true. __________________ Pizdzius Swedzioszek Leader of CBA Regnum Comic <- my Regnum Comic , RSS version -> RSS (if you wish to contact me on my other realm character: Ignis - Josephine)

01-03-2008, 03:11 AM	#3
Miraculix Count Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Infinite Improbability Drive Posts: 1,287	Aw man, papers are biased even in virtual worlds At least this one is in favor of the reds! Awesome btw! Piz, make one of the characters in your comic read the medenet times __________________ Hit me, nail me, make me God. Panoramix :: Half Elf Hunter ## Miraculix :: Half Elf Marksman ## Aspirinix :: Wood Elf Conjurer Syrtis :: Horus :: Antartes

01-03-2008, 03:50 AM	#4
Froste Baron Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Svea Rike Posts: 814	Pure gold. __________________ *Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines...*

01-03-2008, 05:03 AM	#5
adrianpf Count Join Date: May 2007 Location: Far away, across the fields... Posts: 1,331	This is a masterpiece! And it so sutile! PD: In Argentina there's a magazine that uses the same way for news.. it's called "Barcelona" (An european solution for Argentinians problems). I love that kinda style! __________________ <Krishna> <Krieger><Avalancha de Disney >

01-03-2008, 08:19 AM	#6
Meiyeeer Pledge Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 17	LOL. great stuff!

01-03-2008, 10:59 AM	#7
trash Master Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Leeds, United Kingdom Posts: 253	Trix giggles Good work hun! __________________ Trix "Wraith Brigand" of The Company of Ghosts Drunk harlot and master duelist...

01-03-2008, 12:01 PM	#8
Pizdzius Baron Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Polish Side of RA Posts: 779	Yeah I'd love to, great idea! Can I? __________________ Pizdzius Swedzioszek Leader of CBA Regnum Comic <- my Regnum Comic , RSS version -> RSS (if you wish to contact me on my other realm character: Ignis - Josephine)

01-03-2008, 12:54 PM	#9
misaccc Banned Join Date: May 2007 Location: Belgrade!!! Posts: 1,807	This is awsome dude i wanna be a reporter or a photographer lol

01-03-2008, 01:46 PM	#10
_dracus_ Count Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toulouse Posts: 1,335	SEX LIFE Syrtis women are more happy in their sex life than other women, according to a recent survey (Happy women in Syrtis 18%, in Ignis 17.5%, in Alsius 4%). Pizdzius was seen in Alsius orgy (gays and goats only). __________________ « Thanks all, you are right I'm great with the barbarian ... for killing mobs. » -- Athena Stillwater