Lets hear the Jokes

[Bamm-Bamm]

What is yellow and you can stand on it?

answer

[Narzoul]

- How can you tell if an allied Lamai is nearby?
- ?
- Press V and see if any names pop up.

- How can you tell if an enemy Lamai is nearby?
- ?
- Just run around. If you hear a squeak, you probably stepped on one.

- How many Lamais does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- ?
- They can't do it. Even if they all stand on each other, they still won't reach the ceiling.

- What happens when a Barbarian kicks a Lamai?
- ?
- The goalkeeper catches it.

- What's the difference between a Lamai and a mutant bunny?
- ?
- Nothing.


Who said Lamais aren't fun?

[Ulti19]

Originally Posted by Immune

The greatest gambler in the world walks into a bank with his lawyer and talk to the banker. The gambler tells him he's a professional gambler, and makes all of his money from gambling. The banker doesn't believe him, no one can be that lucky.
"I'll make you a bet then." The gambler says. "$2,000 says I can bite my right eye."

The banker considers this, and decides it can't be done. He accepts. The gambler proceeds to take out his glass eye, bite it, and put it back in its socket. The banker stares, and is now $2,000 in debt.
"I'll give you another chance. Double or nothing, I can bite my other eye."

The banker thinks again... he can't have both glass eyes, he was surely not blind. So he takes the bet again. The gambler pops out his false teeth and bites his other eye with no problem. The banker was panicking now, $4,000 dollars in debt. Seeing this, the gambler decided to give him one last shot.
"This time, I'll bet you I can pee all the way across the room into that empty jar over there without spilling a drop."

This could just not be possible, and he needed to turn this around. Not seeing how he could lose this one, the banker once again accepted the gambler's bet. The gambler hopped on the banker's desk and pee'd all over it, not even getting close to the jar.
The banker threw his arms in the air and exclaimed "YES!!"

"NOOO!!" the lawyer suddenly burst out. The banker looked at him, confused. The lawyer explained,
"Earlier today he bet me $40,000 he could pee on your desk and make you happy about it!!"

Ahahahahahaha

[makarios68]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.

[standistortion]

I'm useless telling jokes but can copy and paste forum posts like a demon.

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”.
The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”.
Jason was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.

St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?”
“It’s not so bad” replies Jason, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.
“You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”.
“Never” replies Jason.
“Well just relax and let it happen”.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”

[Goatfather]

This one guy is out drinking on St. Patricks day and after a few drinks has the need to go relive himself in the toilet... In the mens room he runs in to a short, red haired man wearing green clothes. Are you a leprechaun? the man asks him. Yes, I am. The short man awnsers.
Wow, awsome, says the man. Does this mean you have to grant me 3 wishes?
Yes, that's true says the short man. Awsome! For my first wish, I want a big ass mansion!
Ok, done says the short man. When you get home tonight you will have a big mansion.
Sweet! For my second wish I want to have a beautiful, gorgeus wife to live with me in my new mansion!
Ok, done, says the short man. In your new mansion you will have the hottest most gorgeus woman as your wife.
And for my last wish... hmmm I want a big penis so I can please my new hot wife! says the man.
hmm, says the short man for that you will need to let me fk you in the ass...
Ok, says the man. And the short man gets started...
After about 5 mins the man says,
- I can't belive I'm letting a leprechaun fk me in the ass...
- I can't belive you think I'm a leprechaun.... says the short man.

[-Kalid-]

Today's news

Tigerious sold his kidney to buy ximerin !

[roberticoallk]

Originally Posted by -Kalid-

Today's news

Tigerious sold his kidney to buy ximerin !

O_O WTF are you saying kalid?

(UGLY!)

Originally Posted by Narzoul

- How can you tell if an allied Lamai is nearby?
- ?
- Press V and see if any names pop up.

- How can you tell if an enemy Lamai is nearby?
- ?
- Just run around. If you hear a squeak, you probably stepped on one.

- How many Lamais does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- ?
- They can't do it. Even if they all stand on each other, they still won't reach the ceiling.

- What happens when a Barbarian kicks a Lamai?
- ?
- The goalkeeper catches it.

- What's the difference between a Lamai and a mutant bunny?
- ?
- Nothing.


Who said Lamais aren't fun?

Terrible jookes... haha very nice! =P

[Narzoul]

Originally Posted by roberticoallk

Terrible jookes... haha very nice! =P

I agree. Most of them were rather terrible, the rest were pure lame(ai).

How about this: Two Lamais were out on a hunt for rabbits. One of them got shot.

[_Seinvan]

/me cracks knuckles

WARNING: some jokes may offend

A Priest and a Rabbi run out of a burning school, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and says "What about the kids?!" The Rabbi says "Fuck the kids!" and the Priest says "Do you think we'll have time?"


What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps?
Phelps can finish a race.


What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip!


What's the difference between a little boy and bag of cocaine?
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.


What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Punch her.


What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?
Tiger has a better driver.


I've got a million of these >.>