horus story knock off XD

[Mbwana]

YES! bridge fight plz

[Hamster_of_sorrow]

i have gotten a few negative comments about these stories (thanks for the constuctive feedback) and i would just like to clarify, just because i used the word kick doesnt mean it has to use the move kick. it is an action, not a skill. When Oveclock kicks gupt into the dirt, that is the MOVE kick. when lil hathy delivers as swift kick to Tigerous's head, that is an action. just because you carry a bow doesnt mean you can't use your feet.

second of all, i used mostly characters from imperial guard because i know a lot about these people and their fighting styles etc.

thanks for all the feed back, positive and negative, and i will keep it in mind while writing future stories

[Gytha_Ogg]

One possibility: Capitalize the term to indicate it's the skill or spell, lowercase means it's just an action.

Overclock Kicks Gupt, but Lil Hathy kicks Tigerous.

[Silent_Shadow]

I hope you don't mind me editing your stories once in a while, but if you do then I won't lol.
I found some mistakes, but nothing that bad. The words in blue are what I corrected. A few suggestions: watch your capitalization and where you put pronouns, and it's best to keep the tenses the same.

Originally Posted by Hamster_of_sorrow

The sound of splintering oak rang across the desert as syrtain knights and barbarians attacked the door of Samal with all their might, doing their best to destroy the door and gain access to the fort and make it their own. Oppervaagheid walked down the ramp after healing more of Lil Hathy’s wounds, being careful to walk around Captain Nintendo’s body. “I don’t think the door can take much more of this. We are going to be overrun!”

Hamster of Sorrow looked over, shook his head slightly, and chuckled a little bit. “Ye of little faith. Besides, this is the fun part.” The knights and barbarians readied their armor and weapons. They huddled infront of the even more destroyed door. Hamster of Sorrow and Dune Soldier violently swung the doors open, throwing a few syrtis warriors into the dirt. First the knights rushed out, blocking, deflecting, and swinging weapons in a flurry of blood, battle cries, and the ringing of steel hitting steel.

Next came the barbarians, even more violent in their attacks. Hamster of Sorrow rushed to the first unlucky warrior, sidestepped the swing of syrtain’s sword, and plunged his spear into the warrior’s chest, impaling multiple organs and killing him instantly. Meanwhile, Southman charged at a syrtain archer and crashed into him shield first, knocking him onto the ground in a cloud of dust. Before the archer realized what had happened, Southman had opened a large gash along the archer’s chest. The archer scrambled backwards and managed to avoid Southman’s hammer twice before it finally crashed into the archer’s leg with bone-crushing force. It’s leg was flattened and useless. The wood elf screamed in pain but was cut short by an even deadlier hammer swing. Southman turned around, wiping blood and bits of wood elf from his face, and charged back into the fight.

Dune Soldier noticed a stray warlock that was raising a glowing staff. A sure sign of Sultar’s Terror. Before the warlock could finish his spell, Dune kicked him onto the ground. Unfortunately, before Dune could strike the helpless warlock, he was struck in the leg by a sword, sending searing pain through his leg. As he turned around to face his attacker, he swung his spear like a bat and connected with the side of Tigerous’s head, knocking him unconscious and splitting the side of his head open. Orimae Fionn saw what had happened and ran to help. However, Scias also saw this and summoned an ivy plant under Orimae’s feet, trapping her there and opening small cuts on her feet and ankles. This caused more of the syrtain force to take notice and rush to finish the poor healer off.

Overclock finished off his current adversary and turned toward Orimae. He saw what was about to take place and tried to attract their attention long enough for Orimae to escape. He roared with such anger and volume that it stunned the attackers, temporarily deafening them. Orimae took notice of this and hastened to free herself from the painful bonds. Just as she finally got free of the ivy, she rushed to Dune Soldier who was still struggling to stand on his injured leg. She raised her staff and brought it to the ground. Dune’s gash that had made his leg virtually useless, mended itself together and sealed up as if it never even happened. He was still in pain, but the conjurer’s work had repaired his leg enough for him to fight.

Hamster of Sorrow had been oblivious to the previous ordeal. He had been in a rather lengthy fight with a knight who just didn’t want to die. When he finally finished the knight off, he ran to the nearest opponent who was stuck in the head by an arrow before Hamster could even raise his spear. “What the hell Dink? You stole my kill!”

Dink laughed and readied another arrow. “Maybe you should be faster next time! You look like you need the help anyway.”

Hamster of Sorrow looked down at his chest and arms to find that he was gashed and bloody all over. He had been cut up by various adversaries and, in the heat of the battle, disregarded his own wellbeing. He immediately decided that he was in no shape to continue fighting and headed back toward what was left of the door. Just before he could get the door closed an arrow struck him in the side, causing him to collapse just inside the fort. Maltazar, who was still inside the fort, hurried over, shut the door completely and, without a word, began repairing the wound. Hamster tried to prop himself up against a wall, causing the arrow to dig in farther.

“Stop moving if you want to live. It was a miracle that the arrow didn’t kill you in the first place!”

Hamster of Sorrow grunted and spat blood onto the ground beside him. “Hmph, lucky me.” Maltazar glared at him, then ripped the arrow out of Hamster’s side causing blood to squirt out. “Damn it malt! You coulda gave me a bit of advance notice before ripping my freakin’ lung out!” Before any more damage could be done, Maltazar sealed up the wound in the same way that Orimae Fionn did to Dune Soldier.

“Do me a favor and take it easy for a while. Ok Hamster?”

“I can’t, not while my friends are out there dying.” He jumped up, grabbed his spear then slammed the door open to find that the battle was over and that, save a few minor injuries, the group of ignis was uninjured. Everyone outside the doors looked over to see the cause of the loud noise, and found Hamster, red-faced and embarrassed, standing in the doorway. Hamster looked back to Maltazar who burst into a fit of laughter.

“Take it easy! The fight is over. Settle down.” Lil Hathy walked off the ramp, past Hamster, toward Tigerous who was, just now, waking up from being whacked in the side of the head by Dune’s spear. Hathy delivered a swift kick to the same spot on his head and Tigerous fell unconscious again.

[Hamster_of_sorrow]

Originally Posted by Silent_Shadow

I hope you don't mind me editing your stories once in a while, but if you do then I won't lol.
I found some mistakes, but nothing that bad. The words in blue are what I corrected. A few suggestions: watch your capitalization and where you put pronouns, and it's best to keep the tenses the same.

while i appreciate that. that post is really really long now. you could have left out the whole story in quotes. i appreciate your concern though.

[NotScias]

However, Scias also saw this and summoned an ivy plant under Orimae’s feet...

Hehe, what a coincidence. You wrote this the day I reskilled as warju

Anyways I'm glad to be in, and I can't wait for the next

[blood-raven]

good telling, need to war more, wy am i not in such a story?

[Hamster_of_sorrow]

Originally Posted by blood-raven

good telling, need to war more, wy am i not in such a story?

i dont think ive ever seen you ingame before.

[blood-raven]

dno, i fight in herb rather often but as i said i need to war more

[Hamster_of_sorrow]

i have decided that the next stories will not have much of a story line, they will be battles. first is going to be a bridge fight at pn between ignis and alsius. the following stories will be decided by you, the reader. you tell me what you would like to read (pvp, bridge fight, fort fight, etc.) and i will at least attempt to make it happen.