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08-23-2010, 07:45 AM | #21 |
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really good read, it was very easy for me to immerse myself into the story
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08-23-2010, 01:31 PM | #22 |
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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I re-read it a few times and it does work. I seem to have lost the understanding of it a bit in the first read. I read terribly fast so yes I missed the implied part of it.
A thumbs down for me on that one. My original stance stands. Very good continuity. Thankfully, I can always depend on GythaOgg to keep me on the straight and narrow. Good looking out Gytha. Artec |
08-23-2010, 03:41 PM | #23 |
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"Necesitas dar reputación a más personas antes de darle reputación a $userinfo[username] de nuevo"
May we have some more of this epic freedom tale, please? |
08-23-2010, 06:20 PM | #24 |
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New chapter, read away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Awakening An obscure figure stands in a ring engraved into the floor, in the center of an ancient room. An altar of sorts sits just outside the ring. Various runes cover the ring and the altar, seemingly ageless, as if they'd been placed not a day before. The center of the room is filled with light, though there appear to be no windows, nor doors for that matter. Everything outside the ring and altar is covered in a strange darkness. A wise and resonant voice emanates from the figure, that of a woman. "You have been chosen by unseen powers, to serve a great cause. You do not, cannot yet understand what is happening, but know this: You have been set on a path; it is imperative that you follow it. But you need not follow it alone. All will soon become clear, in time. Seek passage to the Isle of the Ancients. Find this place." Iris woke with a start the next morning. 'What the hell kind of a dream was that?' was her first thought. The sky was clear, not a single cloud to be seen. She realized she was lying in dirt and moss, not sand, which is what she had fallen in before unconsciousness seized her. Then it occurred to her that she had woken up at all, which astonished her indeed. As Iris sat up she looked around. Clearly this was the swamp she had been running for the previous day. A small circle of ashes lay in front of her, suggesting a fire had been there. Then she noticed the two men also sleeping there. One dark elf, clearly a mage, sat directly opposite of her with his back to a log. The other was a human, a knight of Alsius by the looks of the shield on the ground, laying to her left. He'd taken off most of his armor, save for his greaves. As if all of this didn't confuse Iris enough, she then noticed the dark elf's right hand, lazily drooping at his side, with a crescent shaped marking in the palm. She glanced quickly at the hand of the knight as well now, who's hand could also be seen facing upwards on an outstretched arm. As she guessed, the mark was also there. Iris was, at this point, well beyond any sort of comprehension. She bit her lip in contemplation. Iris, like the other two, had never met another person with the crescent marking. Normally she would have left them, but clearly one or both of them had saved her. She touched her head where the rock had wounded her, and found no sign of the injury. She examined her leg as well, also fully healed. 'He must be a conjurer.' After considering her options (which weren't many), she decided to remain there... for the time being, at least. Having made her decision with nothing else to do, she began building up the fire again. As warm as Ignis was, being this close to the ocean made the swamp cooler than the desert itself. Even if such wasn't the case, it kept her mind adequately busy. Ahno woke up to the smell of burning wood soon after. He saw the elf girl was still here, awake and tending to her bow. Which was good, he was half expecting to find her gone if she woke up first. He looked over at Remus... still sleeping. Iris addressed him before Ahno could say so much as "good morning". "You're awake I see. Good. Perhaps you can explain to me who you are and what's going on here?" Ahno wasn't exactly a morning person, he was still waking up. "Ummmm uhhhhh..." was all he said before Iris spoke again. "I suppose it was you who saved me?" Ahno rubbed his eyes and replied, albeit more slowly than if he hadn't just woken up. "Ermm ahh... yeah, yeah that was me." he said inarticulately. He blinked twice before yawning. "Why?" she asked, though she had a feeling she already knew. "You'd prefer I hadn't?" he asked in response, though he knew that wasn't what she meant. "No, I suppose I should thank you for it. But why? I was under the impression that Igneans disliked Syr... erm... elves." She looked down as she altered her wording. 'She's hiding something.' Ahno thought. "What do you mean, 'elves'? Are you not Syrtian?" She knew that was coming. "Answer my question and I might answer yours." She replied curtly. He grinned slightly. 'That must mean yes.' Even so, Ahno obliged, more enemies aren't what he needed, now that he had no realm. "Well then..." he paused, wondering how to word it. "if you must know...your hand. You are the first person I've ever seen with that symbol on the palm. Besides myself, that is." 'So I was right.' thought Iris. "Yes, well..." she began... she wasn't sure what to say next. In reality, she was just as fascinated as Ahno and Remus were to discover someone else with that mark. But she had no idea who either of these men were. Could she just trust them because of this one similarity they shared? After debating with herself, her curiosity bested her sense of caution. "...what were you expecting then? Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't know what it means, if that's what you were hoping for." Ahno did seem a little disappointed. He wasn't expecting her to know, but he had hoped. He sighed audibly. "Well, I will answer your question now, I suppose." Iris told him. "You are right. I am technically, not Syrtian, not anymore at least. I left it behind no longer than a month ago... and it has not been easy." Ahno nodded understandingly. "Well, I suppose my life will be similar now. I sacrificed my place as an Ignean when I chose to help you." "You didn't have to help me." she told him. As if he didn't already know that. She almost sounded indignant about receiving help from him. "Should I apologize for saving your life?" Ahno asked irritably. "No, but I'm just saying it's not my fault." she said cautiously. "Wasn't trying to blame you." was his response. They fell silent for a few minutes before Iris spoke again. She gestured towards Remus. "So who's your friend?" Ahno looked over at him and answered, "Him? Well, ah... I just ran into him last night actually, not far from here." He didn't think she had to know all of the details. "So he just came along?" she asked. "Well, it just so happens he has the mark as well. And, well... eh, it would be easier if you just talk to him yourself when he wakes up." Iris decided not to argue and turned her attention back to her bow. Remus woke up not long after, almost forgetting he'd joined these two. He'd noticed Iris the night before, but didn't bother asking Ahno about her. Iris gave him a few minutes to wake up, unlike what she did with Ahno where she attempted conversation as soon as his eyes opened. When he seemed awake enough to talk to, she did so. "Hello there, mind if I ask who you are?" she inquired bluntly. Remus didn't seem to mind the straightforwardness however, though he wasn't sure what to say. "Mmm... hello. Remus. That's me. And you?" She blinked before answering. "Iris." Ahno couldn't believe he'd forgotten to ask her that. 'Idiot, how could you forget to ask her name?' he scolded himself and quietly smacked himself in the forehead. Iris had been waiting for Ahno to ask her name as well, she rolled her emerald green eyes when she realized that he'd simply forgotten. "Oh, yeah, my name is Ahno." he threw in lamely. "Mhmm..." was her intentionally uninterested response. "So," she continued to Remus, relishing the frustration that seemed to cause Ahno, "were you expecting me to know the meaning of the marking as well?" "What? No... you mean, you have it too?!" Remus probably could have guessed, but he didn't like to guess. He simply liked to "know” things, what and when he needed to know them. Iris was growing exasperated with these two. She sighed. "Yes, I have it as well." Remus pondered this. What were the chances? A coincidence like this, was it even possible? Certainly not probable. Slightly plausible though. Whatever the chances, they were certainly against it. "So... did one of you plan this somehow? Or something?" Remus asked them. He wasn't sure how that could even be possible, but it was worth asking. "Umm, no." Iris said flatly. "All coincidence, it would seem." Ahno replied. Though Ahno was never a believer in true coincidences. "Well then," Remus started, "what now then?" The question they'd all been thinking. What were they supposed to do now? Go on with life like this had never happened. Somehow none of them seemed to think that. "Wait..." Ahno said. "I think I know." The other two looked at him incredulously. "You think you -know-?" Iris repeated skeptically. "Indeed." He thought back to his sleep, before he'd awoken. They waited for his explanation doubtfully. "Well?" Remus prompted him, more out of eagerness than out of disbelief. Ahno exhaled, as if preparing to deliver an important speech. "I had a dream last night. There was a... person I think, a woman. She told me to go to the Isle of the Ancients. I'm not sure why. She made it sound very, um, important..." he stopped slowly as he realized they were both looking at him wide eyed. "Umm, did I say something wrong?" "That... was your dream?" Iris clarified disbelievingly. "Erm, yes, why? You don't believe me?" Ahno asked a little confused. "Because..." she continued, "I had that dream as well." Remus stared at her as intensely as he had at Ahno now. He shifted his eyes from Ahno to Iris back and forth several times, as if expecting one of them to start laughing as if it had been a joke. Of course, that did not happen. "You're both serious?" Remus finally asked. Neither of them answered him, he knew they both were. "Well, uh..." he hesitated, "unless I'm mistaken, I had that dream also." It almost sounded as if he had a hard time believing that himself. On the contrary, Ahno and Iris had already suspected it. They sat there in silent contemplation for a minute. "So..." Ahno broke the silence, "should we go?" Iris spoke immediately. "Woah wait a minute, when did this become 'we'?" Ahno frowned. "Don't you want to know what the symbol is?" Ahno asked her. "Well yes, I do, but it was just a dream..." she began. "Which all of us had." Ahno reminded her. Not that she'd forgotten. She couldn't really argue that point, it was too unnatural to be coincidence. "Besides, what have you got to lose? You're an exile already, remember?" she knew. "And you," Ahno turned to Remus, "you said you wanted to leave Alsius. Doesn't this sound like the best chance, maybe even your only chance?" Remus had been thinking this himself, so the persuasion wasn't really needed. "I'm going with or without you two." Ahno said in finality. Remus sighed. "I'll come." He said shortly. He hoped he didn't regret this. Iris looked at them both like they were insane. "I... why... but..." there was nothing she could say, really. Ahno had made a good point that there was nothing stopping her from going. She moaned about herself giving into this madness. "Fine, fine I'll come." she agreed submissively. Ahno sighed both in relief and in satisfaction. "Good."
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Last edited by Immune; 04-20-2011 at 08:50 PM. |
08-23-2010, 08:07 PM | #25 |
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Hey guys, I'm probably going to start needing more names for future chapters, since I don't think I'll be adding real players. I'm not great at making up names (It took me awhile just to come up with even 3 I liked.) I mean, I have some ideas, but more options are always better. So if someone out there feels up to it just give me a list of cool/exotic names. If you do this, try to come up with names both with benevolent and malevolent tones.
Thanks in advance, expect the next chapter in 1 or 2 days
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08-23-2010, 09:35 PM | #26 |
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Great story Immune. Nice characters, descriptions, and emotions. Can't wait for the next chapter .
Hmm, names... Zane, Shiela, Tolstan, Serkai, Tyrex? *shrugs*
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08-25-2010, 09:11 PM | #27 |
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A Journey Begins It was late morning when the three of them silently headed off. They traveled west towards the southern white bridge to cross into Syrtis. After crossing they began a long walk to the northwest. A little over an hour of walking brought them to the northern white bridge without incident. None of them spoke until now, where Remus suggested they take caution from this point on. He had no idea where the Alsian army was, but they would have left Samal by now for Herbred. He was sure they knew of his treachery by now, or they thought he was dead. Either way if they saw him with an elf and dark elf, the 'kill first, talk later' rule would likely apply. What he didn't know, however, was that the Alsian assault on Samal had actually been a failure in the first place. Ahno had thought of this possibility (though he didn't mention it), but making such an assumption could prove unwise. Reasoning aside, the trio came across no resistance. Some wind resistance perhaps, though they managed to get past that rather easily. They were now following the lake beach to the west. It was early afternoon when their destination came into view. Iris had led them to the seldom-used Syrtian docks. No one ever used the lake docks, in any of the realms. There was no reason to, and boats floating out on the lake could be easily seen and attacked by enemies from the shores. No one who had gone to the island in the past ever found anything there worth mentioning... which slightly confused the three of them as to why they were supposed to go there. "There's the dock." Iris said. As expected, there was no one else there. A small wooden boat sat in the sand on its side, unused for who knows how long. "Well, what are we waiting for?" said Ahno. Iris was still having second thoughts. "You don't really think we're going to find anything do you?" She was skeptical that they would, but she was also nervous. What if they did find something? "Only one way to find out, right?" Ahno was eager to see what awaited them. He had more faith than Iris, though he was just as unsure of what exactly they would find. Remus was just as curious about what could be waiting for them on the island, but he was far less anxious. Without another word they dragged the boat partially into the water. Ahno and Iris climbed in first. With a final moment of wondering if he was crazy, or if this was all just another weird dream, Remus shoved the boat off and jumped in. Remus took hold of the oars and began rowing. Ahno sat next to Iris. He decided to ask her more questions while they drifted towards the island. Not that they were completely important questions. They would, however, break this eerie silence... and perhaps he just wanted to talk to her a little. "So, I'm just curious, how did you survive as an outcast? Did you hunt your own food? Make your own arrows? Where did you sleep?" Iris wondered why he was so interested, but decided it would be easiest to just answer him. "Well if you must know," she began... because he did have to know apparently "there is a small Syrtian caravan outside of the wall that I made friends with. They were kind enough to trade me supplies when I needed them." Ahno thought about that. "What did you trade them?" "Mainly furs, and occasionally there are mineral deposits I happen to cross which I have no idea what they are. But they wanted it, so I gave it to them." This was all they got to discuss, much to Iris' relief and Ahno's disappointment, before they reached the island's shore. One by one they climbed out into the unfamiliar area. They stood there for a minute, looking around, wondering what to do. Ahno acted first, and began walking towards a small gap in a giant cliff wall surrounding a good portion of the island. "Come on, we won't find anything standing here." Iris and Remus followed after him. A clearing stood before them, encircled by the cliff wall. There seemed to be very little, save for a few trees. They scanned the area and found... nothing. It would be difficult to miss anything as there was almost nowhere anything could be hidden. They were all slowly losing hope. They decided to search the outside of the island. As they were about to leave, however, a glowing magical barrier materialized over the gap. Ahno touched it... solid as stone, though many times stronger he was sure. It seemed to come out of nowhere. Clearly this was the place.
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Last edited by Immune; 04-20-2011 at 08:15 PM. |
08-25-2010, 09:11 PM | #28 |
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Trials of the Crescent They turned back to the clearing to see someone standing there in its center. How he got there was beyond any of their knowledge. The figure was quite tall, seven feet about, and clad in full heavy metal armor. His face was completely concealed. The armor was all gray; Except on the breastplate was a blue crescent, which seemed to glow with a faint light. In his right hand he held a dual-ended spear as tall as he was. Remus spoke first, both cautiously yet firmly. He had no idea if this figure was a threat to them. "Who are you?" The figure replied immediately, as if it had been waiting for the question. His voice was was deep and strong, yet emotionless, as if he weren't really a person at all. "I am Awen Patronus, the spirit guardian of the Crescent Sanctuary. For many years I have awaited your arrival. I am the first of many tests you will face in your future." His speech was slow but clear. Time was something he had no longer had consideration for. "So how do we enter this... sanctuary?" Ahno asked with uncertainty. "You must pass three tests. I will begin them when you are ready." The three looked at one another. They couldn't believe this was actually happening. But it was, this was real. They nodded to one another to affirm they were ready. "We are ready." "Very well. Let the trials of truth commence." A circle with a blue crescent in the center materialized in front of him. "The wisest amongst you, step forward." Iris and Remus both immediately looked at Ahno. He looked at both of them and supposed they were right. Not that either of the others were unintelligent, but everyone knows that studying as a mage inherently requires vast amounts knowledge on various subjects. He stepped forward into the circle. "Ahno, wise mage of Ignis, are you prepared for this test?" he asked. "I am." A large hammer appeared before him, laying on the ground. Intricate designs covered the golden handle, and the head appeared to be made of silver. A perfectly round stone appeared next to the hammer. "Your task, is to destroy this rock, using that hammer." Ahno raised an eyebrow and exhaled in disbelief, like it was a joke. "Ummm... did you mean to call the strongest of us?" "No." Ahno frowned and looked at the hammer. He bent down to pick it up, and gripped the handle. It was warm to the touch. When he went to lift the hammer off the ground however, it wouldn't budge. Mages are weak in strength, as most people know. Most could at least move the handle of this weapon though. Ahno tried again. It still didn't move an inch. It was like the hammer had the weight of a mountain. He stepped back a moment and began to panic. He looked at his companions, who also looked worried. Ahno tried just spinning the hammer by the handle without actually trying to pick it up. No, he couldn't move it that way either. Ten minutes he sat there, thinking. He tried magic... which failed. To his surprise, there was a magical barrier of some type surrounding the hammer. 'That must be against the rules.' he thought. His next attempt was summoning a golem to do it for him. Even the golem could not move this hammer. Another ten minutes went by. Never before had Ahno encountered such a simple task that seemed so impossible. Half an hour after the trial began, an idea struck him. He produced a hand made of energy, and picked up the stone. With all of the force he could put into it, he struck the hammer with the stone. The rock shattered with ease. Ahno felt like an idiot for not thinking of that before. "Ah, so you are indeed wise. That hammer could be lifted by no man, physically or magically. You must always remember to look for alternatives to resolve that which seems impossible." The hammer and bits of rock disappeared. Ahno stepped back to stand with the other two. "The strongest amongst you, step forth." This would be Remus of course, as they all knew. He stepped forward, not sure of what to expect after what he just saw. "Remus, strong knight of Alsius, are you prepared for this test?" Remus sighed. "As ready as I'll ever be." A golden beetle appeared in front of him. It would easily fit in his open hand. "Your task is to catch this creature without killing it." Remus shuttered. As with the previous, this trial seemed to be more suited to another person. Deciding there was only one way to start, he bent down to grab the beetle. It jumped backwards. He grunted... he sort of expected that. 'So I can't kill it. This will be fun...' He ran at the beetle, and it began flying around the entire clearing. He could barely keep track of it. 'Great.' It wouldn't stop now. It even flew right by his head once and he didn't have time to react. As it continued its relentless flight, Remus watched it. After maybe fifteen minutes he saw a pattern to its flight path. He tried grabbing for it in midair. This, of course, did not work. He was becoming frustrated. After many grabs he decided his hands were just too slow for that. So instead he threw his entire body in the way and put his shield in front of him, just as the creature was about to fly by him again. It crashed into his shield violently, with more force than he expected. Remus was actually pushed back a few feet, but he remained standing. The beetle was on the ground now, still alive but stunned from the impact. Remus saw his chance and dove at the creature. It saw him coming but was unable to react. He clasped his hands around it, relishing the victory that he never thought he'd need to earn. "You are very strong indeed. This creature would be impossible for even the quickest hands to grab from the air. The impact would have knocked most people flat on their backs as well. Remember that strength of mind is just as important as strength of arms." The beetle vanished from Remus' hands. Remus stepped back now. "The nimblest of you, step forth." Iris was already prepared for her turn, and stepped into the circle, confident she would find a way to pass a test that would likely not suit her usual thinking. "Iris, skilled hunter of Syrtis, are you prepared for this test?" "Yes." A wall materialized next to her, seven feet tall and wide. It was made of gold and covered in dozens of small silver runes. "Your task is simply to touch the symbol which stands for truth." Iris bit her lip. 'There are so many...' she didn't have the time to count, but there were 147 runes on this wall. 'Guess I'll get started.' She examined the many runes and touched one at random. Without warning the runes all disappeared and reappeared in different locations. 'Somehow I knew it wouldn't be that easy.' After several guesses she stopped and examined the runes. Every once in a while she touched one out of curiosity. She had no idea what any of these symbols meant, so couldn't exclude any from possibly meaning truth. She tried memorizing the ones she chose incorrectly, but there were just too many. After half an hour she closed her eyes and thought about nothing in particular. About five minutes passed until she opened her eyes and studied the runes again. Her eyes flicked from one to another, and another with great speed. Eventually she realized something. 'There are two of each rune!' So what? She thought about this. Would there be two correct answers? She doubted it. Carefully she started from the top left corner's symbol and looked for a match. She found one. She did this for fifteen minutes. Picking the next rune and searching to see if it was repeated somewhere else on the wall. Her expression was intense and determined. Her focus couldn't be broken at this point. Suddenly her eyes lit up as she grinned and touched a symbol composed of three vertical lines fanning outward towards the bottom, with a dot above each line. All of the other symbols turned gold and melted into the wall. leaving this symbol alone in the center. "You are very clever. Many people without thought would guess until their arms fell off. The symbol was invisible to blind sight, it had to be sought with purpose. A quick eye can be just as useful as a quick step. May this lesson help you to always spot the truth in the future." Iris stepped back. The last symbol disintegrated into the wall. The shape of a door materialized in the wall, and became a hole big enough for one to walk through. The figure spoke to them all once more. "You have successfully overcome the trials presented to you. In doing so, you have proven your worth of entering the sanctuary I guard. May you remember these tests and be guided by their lessons." He stepped into the circle himself now. With a strike of his spear against the ground, the circle grew brighter. The light shot upwards and engulfed him, and when it dimmed and finally seized, both the circle and the guardian had vanished. The mysterious wall remained with the entrance open wide. It seemed to call to them. The group looked at each other and nodded in unison. Together they walked forward and faced the wall and the door in its center. It looked as if light couldn't penetrate the darkness inside that entrance. Ahno stuck his arm inside and none of them could see it. He shrugged and stepped in first. Iris followed. Remus looked back at the entrance to the clearing. The barrier was still there. 'No turning back now I guess.' As he followed the other two through the opening, it closed and the wall slowly faded from existence.
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Last edited by Immune; 04-20-2011 at 08:27 PM. |
08-25-2010, 09:52 PM | #29 |
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Phew next chapter is up finally. Almost became a victim of writer's block.
Thanks to Gyth for pointing out I could put thoughts in italics. Not sure why I didn't think of that More name ideas are welcome. (Won't need them for a bit yet, but I know I will eventually). Don't want an important character named Bob right? I'm thinking (or hoping) next chapter will be easier to come up with. As always, 2 days at most... probably, at least. Keep reading!
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08-25-2010, 11:35 PM | #30 |
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I love these 3 tests
I don't think I can really help you with names immune (as my sig shows ) but do the names have to be sensible? for instance, a sensible name: Legolas not-so-sensisble name: L E G O L A S xXxLegolasxXx I love Pie
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