Lets hear the Jokes

The_Krome_Dragon · 10-14-2011, 06:47 AM

I want to hear the funniest joke u guys/gals can think of. As for restrictions lets try to stay away from overly offensive jokes

. Anyway
LETS HEAR THE JOKES

roonwick · 10-14-2011, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Krome_Dragon

I want to hear the funniest joke u guys/gals can think of. As for restrictions lets try to stay away from overly offensive jokes

. Anyway
LETS HEAR THE JOKES

darn... but if you want offensive jokes anyway... try http://www.sickjokebook.com/

because I like sick jokes.

Psynocide · 10-14-2011, 12:20 PM

How many MMO players does it take to change a lightbulb?

50.
One to change the lightbulb and 49 to complain it was better beforehand.

-

A man approached me in a pub one day and asked "Oi, did you put super glue on my darts?"

I replied with a sigh " You just can't let it go, can you?"

-
*old joke*
My grandfather got his tongue shot off in the war.

.. He never talked about it.

-

Why did the apricot take a raisin to the prom?

Because he couldn't find a date.

-

Two blondes walk into a building.

You would think at least one of them would've seen it coming.

-

Two blondes decide to go to Disney Land so they get in a car and drive off.

They see a sign "Disney Land 50 miles", they keep driving.

They then see a sign "Disney Land 5 miles", they keep driving.

They finally see a sign saying "Disney Land left", so they went home.

-
*old joke*
What is Beethoven doing right now?

Decomposing.

-
*old joke*
Why do elephants have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

-
*old joke*
A christian missionary was sent out into deepest India to educate the natives on the works of god during the reign of the British Empire.
Upon arriving in the village he was assigned they led him to a podium to conduct his preaching.
The villagers seemed friendly enough so he began reading extracts from his bible.
After a while he noticed the villagers shouting in unison quiet merrily "Nicaou, Nicaou!" - he took this as a sign that things were going down well and continued with enthusiasm.
They yelled "Nicaou!" at the end of every pause, the missionary was building up confidence as he preached the ways of god.
When he finished there was one final cry of "Nicaou!" as he left the podium and began to greet the villagers personally.
They each led him around the village, showing him first the chieftains hut, the cooking fires and finally the pens where they kept the animals.
The missionary pointed out a rather impressive bull and asked if he may examine him closer.
The villagers obliged and opened the gate to allow him inside calling after him "Be careful not to step in the nicaou!".

-

Finally lets finish on a high note:

What did the cock say to the condom?

Cover me I'm going in!

-

Anyone still alive after that?

NSer · 10-14-2011, 12:40 PM

@eragon I do.

Seher · 10-14-2011, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by isaacrulzrs2

How many MMO players does it take to change a lightbulb?

50.
One to change the lightbulb and 49 to complain it was better beforehand.

Nice one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by isaacrulzrs2

What is Beethoven doing right now?

Decomposing.

You can still hear Beethoven, but Beethoven cannot hear you.

Silent_Shadow · 10-14-2011, 02:34 PM

Lol i loved the blonde jokes! Not the best, but here are two:

-

A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist searches her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist searches in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

-

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this
note.
"I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I
need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him
to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park
to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed.

Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Immune · 10-15-2011, 10:13 AM

The greatest gambler in the world walks into a bank with his lawyer and talk to the banker. The gambler tells him he's a professional gambler, and makes all of his money from gambling. The banker doesn't believe him, no one can be that lucky.
"I'll make you a bet then." The gambler says. "$2,000 says I can bite my right eye."

The banker considers this, and decides it can't be done. He accepts. The gambler proceeds to take out his glass eye, bite it, and put it back in its socket. The banker stares, and is now $2,000 in debt.
"I'll give you another chance. Double or nothing, I can bite my other eye."

The banker thinks again... he can't have both glass eyes, he was surely not blind. So he takes the bet again. The gambler pops out his false teeth and bites his other eye with no problem. The banker was panicking now, $4,000 dollars in debt. Seeing this, the gambler decided to give him one last shot.
"This time, I'll bet you I can pee all the way across the room into that empty jar over there without spilling a drop."

This could just not be possible, and he needed to turn this around. Not seeing how he could lose this one, the banker once again accepted the gambler's bet. The gambler hopped on the banker's desk and pee'd all over it, not even getting close to the jar.
The banker threw his arms in the air and exclaimed "YES!!"

"NOOO!!" the lawyer suddenly burst out. The banker looked at him, confused. The lawyer explained,
"Earlier today he bet me $40,000 he could pee on your desk and make you happy about it!!"

Archonaut · 10-15-2011, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Immune

The greatest gambler in the world walks into a bank with his lawyer and talk to the banker. The gambler tells him he's a professional gambler, and makes all of his money from gambling. The banker doesn't believe him, no one can be that lucky.
"I'll make you a bet then." The gambler says. "$2,000 says I can bite my right eye."

The banker considers this, and decides it can't be done. He accepts. The gambler proceeds to take out his glass eye, bite it, and put it back in its socket. The banker stares, and is now $2,000 in debt.
"I'll give you another chance. Double or nothing, I can bite my other eye."

The banker thinks again... he can't have both glass eyes, he was surely not blind. So he takes the bet again. The gambler pops out his false teeth and bites his other eye with no problem. The banker was panicking now, $4,000 dollars in debt. Seeing this, the gambler decided to give him one last shot.
"This time, I'll bet you I can pee all the way across the room into that empty jar over there without spilling a drop."

This could just not be possible, and he needed to turn this around. Not seeing how he could lose this one, the banker once again accepted the gambler's bet. The gambler hopped on the banker's desk and pee'd all over it, not even getting close to the jar.
The banker threw his arms in the air and exclaimed "YES!!"

"NOOO!!" the lawyer suddenly burst out. The banker looked at him, confused. The lawyer explained,
"Earlier today he bet me $40,000 he could pee on your desk and make you happy about it!!"

Hahahahahhahaha LMAO hahahaha Epic one, defenitely going to use that one!

Dupa_z_Zasady · 10-15-2011, 01:09 PM

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

Seher · 10-15-2011, 01:36 PM

Confound you!!

There were zwei peanuts walking down de Straße, and one was assaulted.

Peanut.

10-14-2011, 06:47 AM	#1
The_Krome_Dragon Initiate Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 111	Lets hear the Jokes I want to hear the funniest joke u guys/gals can think of. As for restrictions lets try to stay away from overly offensive jokes. Anyway LETS HEAR THE JOKES __________________ A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool. ~William Shakespeare

10-14-2011, 02:34 PM	#6
Silent_Shadow Pledge Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: NH, USA Posts: 31	Lol i loved the blonde jokes! Not the best, but here are two: - A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driving license. The Motorist searches her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer." The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist searches in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now." - A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde". She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another." __________________ Silent Night \| Silent Shadow \| Silent Shade Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ The Dark Side has Cookies. The Cake is a Lie. Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

10-15-2011, 10:13 AM	#7
Immune Master Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: New York Posts: 279	The greatest gambler in the world walks into a bank with his lawyer and talk to the banker. The gambler tells him he's a professional gambler, and makes all of his money from gambling. The banker doesn't believe him, no one can be that lucky. "I'll make you a bet then." The gambler says. "$2,000 says I can bite my right eye." The banker considers this, and decides it can't be done. He accepts. The gambler proceeds to take out his glass eye, bite it, and put it back in its socket. The banker stares, and is now $2,000 in debt. "I'll give you another chance. Double or nothing, I can bite my other eye." The banker thinks again... he can't have both glass eyes, he was surely not blind. So he takes the bet again. The gambler pops out his false teeth and bites his other eye with no problem. The banker was panicking now, $4,000 dollars in debt. Seeing this, the gambler decided to give him one last shot. "This time, I'll bet you I can pee all the way across the room into that empty jar over there without spilling a drop." This could just not be possible, and he needed to turn this around. Not seeing how he could lose this one, the banker once again accepted the gambler's bet. The gambler hopped on the banker's desk and pee'd all over it, not even getting close to the jar. The banker threw his arms in the air and exclaimed "YES!!" "NOOO!!" the lawyer suddenly burst out. The banker looked at him, confused. The lawyer explained, "Earlier today he bet me $40,000 he could pee on your desk and make you happy about it!!" __________________ This is a lie.

10-15-2011, 01:36 PM	#10
Seher Count Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Bavaria Posts: 1,026	Confound you!! There were zwei peanuts walking down de Straße, and one was assaulted. Peanut. __________________ Winning a fight doesn't make you a good player, having fun losing one does. DISCORD!

10-14-2011, 12:20 PM	#3
Psynocide Master Join Date: May 2007 Location: Here & There Posts: 439	How many MMO players does it take to change a lightbulb? 50. One to change the lightbulb and 49 to complain it was better beforehand. - A man approached me in a pub one day and asked "Oi, did you put super glue on my darts?" I replied with a sigh " You just can't let it go, can you?" - old joke My grandfather got his tongue shot off in the war. .. He never talked about it. - Why did the apricot take a raisin to the prom? Because he couldn't find a date. - Two blondes walk into a building. You would think at least one of them would've seen it coming. - Two blondes decide to go to Disney Land so they get in a car and drive off. They see a sign "Disney Land 50 miles", they keep driving. They then see a sign "Disney Land 5 miles", they keep driving. They finally see a sign saying "Disney Land left", so they went home. - old joke What is Beethoven doing right now? Decomposing. - old joke Why do elephants have big ears? Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom. - old joke A christian missionary was sent out into deepest India to educate the natives on the works of god during the reign of the British Empire. Upon arriving in the village he was assigned they led him to a podium to conduct his preaching. The villagers seemed friendly enough so he began reading extracts from his bible. After a while he noticed the villagers shouting in unison quiet merrily "Nicaou, Nicaou!" - he took this as a sign that things were going down well and continued with enthusiasm. They yelled "Nicaou!" at the end of every pause, the missionary was building up confidence as he preached the ways of god. When he finished there was one final cry of "Nicaou!" as he left the podium and began to greet the villagers personally. They each led him around the village, showing him first the chieftains hut, the cooking fires and finally the pens where they kept the animals. The missionary pointed out a rather impressive bull and asked if he may examine him closer. The villagers obliged and opened the gate to allow him inside calling after him "Be careful not to step in the nicaou!". - Finally lets finish on a high note: What did the cock say to the condom? Cover me I'm going in! - Anyone still alive after that?

10-14-2011, 12:40 PM	#4
NSer Banned Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Russia XD Posts: 592	@eragon I do.

10-15-2011, 01:09 PM	#9
Dupa_z_Zasady Banned Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Poland Posts: 489	Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.