Horus stories

[Gawyn_Trakkand]

Originally Posted by Dark_Barbarian

in a land with choas and little order, Dark Barbarian son of Gregory Shadowblade seeks to help restore Balence to the realm of ignis.

Dark Barbarian at the age of 12 started training with a sword (a dagger). he begain thinking and wondering of the possibilty of what he can become useing 2 handed weapons strikeing his oppents with fear and rage or become a knight use a weapon and shield to deffened the people of ignis. once he has reach the age of 18 the real training has begon. the trainer of the city of Altaruk gave him a choice do you wish to use a 2 handed sword or a spear and a shield, Dark Barbarian was thinking for a moment then he lifted up the 2 handed long sword he practice for 24/7 with exercises and studing in the libary of what the Barbarian past was like. as he reach the age of 24 he was given a real weapon a sword like no other, a great claymore hes going to wield at his own disposl. he started slashing every single monster that stand in his way with rage and soo very little fear, every time hes done it the growth for more blood lust and battleing is getting huge at the 2nd day he past out with tiredness, he would of died but a conj walking in the area found him on the ground he carried him back to his house, 2 days has passed and he woke up in a strange room only by looking up at the conjurer that was makeing some kind of soup conjurer ask " well well you woke up at last" with a smile on his face, Dark Barbarian ask "who are you" the conjurer replied "im am who you could say Dark Conjure" Dark Conjure gave Dark Barbarian some soup and he ate it with joy. 10 years have passed and Dark Barbarian grew stonger and stonger with every passing month and now he has been giveing a task from the king. the king ask if you could kill Daen Rha and bring me his heart ill give you plenty of riches as a reward. so Dark Barbarian set out to Daen Rhas domains where he was waiting for him all along, Daen rha charged but Dark Barbarian evaded all tho yet again he charged, this time Dark Barbarian was hit and Daen rha laughed, at the last min Dark Barbarian filled up with soo much rage its almost he has the stregth of 10 men, this time Dark Barbarian charge it felt like a heard of rinos where going mad daen rha tried to move but he was too afraid to do so, closer and closer Dark Barbarian came, he jumped up and slashed Daen Rha in half. Dark Barbarian tore Daen Rhas heart out with his bare hands and when he was done a chest appeard in front of him it was filled with powerful weapons he has never seen before, he took it all and walked back home and gave the heart to the king Dark Barbarian was soo rich and the king ask "do you wish to be my General?"
Dark Barbarian replied with and yes and he was a General. To be Continud


Next will be the great battle.

seriously DB nice story an all it just needs some montage music and that would be as good as a kevin costner film no wait maybe even highlander three.

Jokes aside you do need to look at spelling DB, but thats an aweful lot of obvious errors. If you are serious about writing stories then why not get a friend to proof read and correct them for you?

[Altara]

Originally Posted by Gawyn_Trakkand

Jokes aside you do need to look at spelling DB, i know i'm getting ridden a bit by vythica to watch my grammer and spelling but thats an aweful lot of obvious errors. If you are serious about writing stories then why not get a friend to proof read and correct them for you?

Grammar*
awful*
And you should use Capital I's dear :[[

haha. Jokes aside
Good story DB Cant wait for the next

[Immune]

Originally Posted by Altara

Grammar*
awful*
And you should use Capital I's dear :[[

haha. Jokes aside
Good story DB Cant wait for the next

Lol I saw those earlier but I didn't want to be the one to point them out. Not this time at least.

[Mattdoesrock]

Gawyn mate, sorry, but you've been replaced.

[Pwnography]

Originally Posted by Mattdoesrock

Gawyn mate, sorry, but you've been replaced.

Yup,this is mutiny

[Comp]

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away where the wind blew and the winters were cold, lived an elder goat named Inkster. Inkster lived off the land, eating twigs, berries, and grass until one day he realized.......HOLY F*CK I gotta take a dump!!

Inkster ran to the bushes with haste and pushed...pushed...and pushed for hours until finally - PLOP! Out came a mighty SH*T who was tough as nails and sneakier than herpies....yes - twas Compost!

The end!

[Flightcap]

Hijaaaaacked! We need new threads for these new storylines, or a separate fansite, or something to keep authors from getting mixed together. Good stories all though! Compost........

[Mbwana]

Originally Posted by Mattdoesrock

Gawyn mate, sorry, but you've been replaced.

alas and indeed....hey! since everyone's doing it, maybe I should write something myself

(nice writing Grain, and Gawyn: hurry up! your fans are leaving you )

[bois]

Sorry DB I could not read through it all. The whole block is an irritating mass of white for me (not the storyline).

Try to break your paragraphs into blocks with spaces like I did here. One thought per paragraph . The readability is poor.
The story may be good but I simply will not get a headache trying to read through the one compacted mass. Sorry mate.

I will read your next instalment providing the readability improves.

Regards
Artec

[Dannboy]

I'm lovin' it.